Aaand the Battle Begins...Again

Everyone has struggles in life. 

Everyone. 

It would be easy to say that mine is with weight. But in all honesty, weight is not the issue. There are other things that cause weight to be the issue. That's like looking at someone who has a brain tumor and saying, "The problem is all these headaches you're getting." 

Being unhealthy and overweight doesn't happen all by itself. There are many contributing factors. Everyone has their own special formula that makes them the way they are, whether that be fat or thin, fit or unhealthy. For some people it may look like this:

Genetics + healthy eating habits = tall, lean and generally healthy but no strength

Or...

Genetics + unhealthy eating habits + generalized anxiety disorder = freakishly high blood pressure

Or...

You get the picture.

The combinations are endless. The factors that go into the equation are limitless. The factor that is currently holding me back is the predisposition towards depression. It's a beast of a thing to battle. It sucks you of your desire to do much of anything. At all.

 

Eat healthy? No thank you. I prefer brownies, root beer and pop corn if you please. 

Exercise? I will. Tomorrow. I am tired and am hurting in weird ways but mostly, I am just really dam tired. All the time.

I don't want to go back on medication. Every year in August it hits and every year I start meds again. And every year I hate it. (And for some reason, every year I forget that his happens and am always taken back by it a little bit when it does.) 

This year I shall attempt to beat the beast on my own, focusing solely on using the tools I have at my disposal (minus meds) to see myself through. What are those tools? The knowledge I have about healthy eating. The good habits I have been forming all year. The abilities I now have to be an exercise queen. My killer sense of sarcasm, humor, wit and ability to deal with bumpy roads. I may be asking for help. I may be asking for encouragement. I may be asking for more social activities. I am really, really good at faking "I'm ok, seriously." Don't believe me til about January or February. That's usually when it starts to fade again. Stick with me people. I can do this, but I'm pretty sure I can't do it on my own. 

And so the battle...BEGINS!!!!

(Yes, I know that depression is a chemical problem with the brain. I know that meds are often needed. I don't want to take them because they make my blood pressure spike and I prefer NOT to have a stroke. I know this goes against most medical advice out there. I am VERY aware. I am aware that depression can get dangerous and I DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, recommend that anyone else try this without talking first to a doctor. That having been said, I'm giving it shot anyway. We'll see how it goes. And I also know that if it gets too bad, I will go back on meds for a few months.)

It Is Too Hot. AND "Wanna See How Fast My Shoes Are?!"

The title says it all.
It is too damn hot to do much of anything.
Add to it the fact that my new job is exhausting and tapping all my energy and I am floundering in my exercise and eating healthy routines.
Big time.
This means: time to do all I possibly can to remind myself that I am worth it, that exercise and healthy eating is a reward not a punishment, and to find something to re motivate myself.
It WILL happen. I am WILL reach my goals.
I AM awesome and will continue to become even more so.
My outside WILL reflect my inside.
Even if it means exercising when it's hot out.
Stupid summer. Ruining all my plans.

On the plus side of things:
I got new running shoes!!! They are New Balance 3090 and they are BRIGHT GREEN!!!! I need to add inserts for the foot pain problem, but seriously, I love them. They are almost a "minimal" running shoe profile (which means the heel to toe drop is very small if there's any at all.) Remember how when you were a kid you'd be all like, "Watch how fast I can run in my new shoes!!!" Yeah, they're like that. Only seriously, they really seem to help with my speed. Here's why: No more heel strike when I run. I am focusing on shifting my gait so my feet land under me vs in front of me. Oddly enough, this increases ones speed. This kind of a gait is hard to do with the thicker heeled running shoes. So...Watch how fast I am in my new shoes!!!

Tee hee...it makes me giggle when I say that for some reason...

The Spiritual Side of Exercise and Eating Healthy

Pardon me while I wax spiritual here...

I personally view this body of mine as a gift, as something to treat with respect and to care for. This is a recent change in my perspective. For a long, long time I had a sense of indifference when it came to my physical self. But lately (the last couple of years) that has shifted and for this I am grateful.

I only have one body. It houses what I consider to be my soul. In my opinion, how I chose to treat this body is a direct, outward expression of my appreciation for this gift. So, if I treat it like crap, I am basically saying to the powers that be, that gave this body to me, that I do not appreciate or respect it. And that simply is not true. I DO appreciate it. And to make excuses that reflect otherwise is a silly, lame and disrespectful thing to do.

Here's an analogy: About two years ago I moved from a really horrible neighborhood into a much nicer one. Cleaner, lower crime rate, quiet and safe. I was, and still am, thrilled to have a place to return to on a daily basis that protects me, is an area of town where the police aren't trotting through my yard once a week with K9's, and people aren't yelling at each other in alcohol or drug induced rages outside of my bedroom window. I don't think I have heard one single gun shot since I moved. The difference in my life from that neighborhood to this one has made it possible for me to remember that not ALL of the world is dangerous, scary and unsafe. I can now TRULY relax when I'm home. I can have friends over with minimal worry that their cars will be broken into while parked outside of my apartment. I want my home to be clean. I am proud of where I live. I want it to be inviting to friends and loved ones. I am invested in my home in many ways. It's AMAZING what happens when ones living environment is improved.

So imagine what happens to your soul when IT'S living environment is cleaned up, cared for, loved and respected.

My body, and yours (again, this is me being all spiritual and stuff), needs to be a safe, clean place for your soul to be able to call home. When your soul is shown that it is welcome by giving it cared for, healthy body, it stands to reason that it will be more comfortable, feel more calm, and be more at ease with life when one is healthy. Just as my life has improved in many ways by changing my home environment, imagine how your life 
can improve when all of you knows it is cared for, respected and loved, both your physical and spiritual self. Put healthy things into you and all things about you will be healthier. Do healthy things with yourself and again, all things about you will be healthier. Physical, spiritual, mental, emotional...all of it. 

This is just my opinion, and I have no proof whatsoever that a soul even exists. It's just what I believe. And it is a motivator of mine to not give up on my new lifestyle. 

Don't Call Me Pumpkin...

(WARNING: Spell check it not working. My apologies in advance.)

I started a new job recently. I was warned fairly early on that there was one staff member in particular who would, no doubt, hit on me eventually. Lovely. Stuff like this always makes me feel and act in a way that is really pathetic and I generally end up looking like an idiot.

What does this have to do with weight loss?

Lemme 'splain...

Becoming fit, losing weight, the whole thing, is NOT just a physical experience. It is also mental and emotional. It is a struggle some days, and a battle others. It can often push one to confront old, deep emotional crap that has sat dormant for years. It can shed light on issues one thought one had totally under control.

One issue it brings up for me is that a thin, and particularly fit, version of me is also a more attractive version of me (and I believe this is true for most people.) More attractive seems to lead to more attention, particularly from the opposite gender. In the past I have, for whatever reason, worn a target only visible to not too kind people. It has been painted on my back and forehead and it must have said, very clearly to some, right in the bulls eye, "No seriously, please, use me." Despite my best efforts, I just couldn't shake it til a little while ago.

It seemed to me that being fat painted over that bulls eye. Or maybe just hid it a little better under the layers and rolls.

Ok...back to the coworker...

Yesterday I was filling out a paper that stated who would be working where and with whom. Said coworker was waiting to see where he would be and was doing that awkward (for me anyway) small talk thing (awkward because I am pretty bad at small talk.) And then, out of nowhere...he called me "pumpkin." Without even skipping a beat, I said, "You'll be in Boys side ISU (intensive support unit) and don't call me pumpkin." I said it assertively , in a no-nonsense, strictly busness, kind of a way. Please note that this guy has has guns (meaning biceps) the size of a small country and is generally speaking, physically intimidating. Didn't stop me from setting a clear boundary. He apologized and said it just slipped out because my name starts with a "P." I just looked at him, again with a no-nonsence kind of an expression and said, "Kind of a lame excuse. It's unprofessional and unacceptable. Call your coworkers, male and female, by their names." He mumbled "...k..." and stared at the ground.

Target: fading even more that it has the past couple of years.
Excellent.
And this interaction with this coworker, for whatever reason, felt like a blew a big ol' chunk outta the center of that damn bulls eye.

I refuse to continue to be unfit and unhealthy.
I refuse to be a doormat, to be treated poorly, and to be used.
I refuse to let the fear of that happening stop me from accomplishing goals and leading the lifestyle I have always wanted.

Becoming fit is a process, and it's not just physical. It's mental, emotional and spiritual as well (if you believe in that anyway, which I do.) I am discovering that as I become more invested in one area of my health, the rest have to fall in line in order to be successful. This process is hard work. It is pushing me to grow in ways I did not for see. And I am grateful for that.

And seriously...don't call me pumpkin.

Pantie Problem (it's totally "G" rated, trust me)

So, obviously, when one is eating well and exercising, ones body changes shape. Some of those ways are small, some are big. Sometimes the changes happen slowly over time, and some are kind of rapid. 

There is one that has been slowly happening and I haven't really noticed. Then, while on a run the other day, I was forced to notice. 

As I jogged along, I began to get the distinct impression that my top of my behind was feeling a breeze, as if it was no longer covered by my panties. "Huh...that's...unexpected," I thought to myself, as I plodded along. About a half a block later I noticed that almost ALL of my butt was feeling the breeze and that the front of me was a well. 

This is when I realized that my undies were falling off. All the way. And pretty much the only thing keeping them up was the crotch of my running shorts. I tried to nonchalantly inch them back up as I ran  along side some fairly heavy traffic, but it became rather clear, rather quickly, that that was simply NOT going to work and more drastic measures were needed. (I can only imagine what I looked like doing THAT weird wiggle/jog combo movement.) I tried ignoring it, but the longer I went on, the further down my thighs they inched and it was about to get REALLY obvious to anyone who glanced my way that I had a pantie malfunction. 

So...I just accepted the moment for what it is, stuck my hands down my shorts, and in a very unlady like manner, pulled my under clothing back to their proper position, where they stayed just long enough for me to make it back home. 

I assumed this problem was simply because that pair is in need of being tossed out. 

Then I went running on Thursday. Repeat above scenario. Another pair bites the dust. 

Then I went to work last night and today: two more pairs have been deemed worthless. 

I finally realized today that it's not that they are old and stretched out unmentionables. It's that I am simply no longer the size required to keep them in place. I am completely ok with this. 

Bummer (no pun intended.) Guess I'll have to get some new panties!

(I tell you this because I honestly had not considered the fact that, along with getting healthy and stuff comes a need for new under garments. So, if you are doing the same thing and as of yet have not had a pantie problem, just know that it's on it's way....it WILL get you at unexpected moments. Consider yourself warned...)

Just Keep Swimming (or walking, or running or cycling...)

Whatever you decide to do, whether it be swimming, running, biking, walking, hiking, yoga-ing (not a word but whatever), just keep doing it.

*No the fastest? That's ok. Neither am I. And it's not the point.
*Have almost ZERO flexibility? Same here. This area seems to elude me no matter how much a stretch, but the point is, to just keep at it.
*Break a sweat and lose your breath after two seconds? That's ok. It's better than not breaking a sweat at all and using the whole "I have asthma" thing as an excuse. (Btw, I really do have asthma. So does Jackie Joyner Kersee. You know...the gold metal winning decathlon Olympic athlete.)  

That's Jackie. She rocks. And that's what some people with asthma chose to do.

*Feel like fat ol' loser because everything shakes with every step? I can so totally relate. But, just think about how much better you're doing than you would be if you'd stayed home and dinked around on facebook or watched tv.
*Don't have the motivation? Dig deep. Find some. Even if it's to walk around your block. Just DO something. Walk the dog or borrow the neighbors. Get some friends together and make a social thing out of it.
*Don't think you can? Well, you're wrong. You so totally can. (I know I posted this before, but it applies SO well here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448) I love it when he says, "Just because I can't do it today, doesn't mean I can't do it someday."
*Think you're not worth it? Wrong again. You deserve to be healthy and happy. Seriously, You do.
*Think it's too late and the damage has been done so why try? This is actually not true. Every time you chose a healthier option than what you chose in the past, you undo damage on a cellular level.
*Convinced you're too old? Pfft...please. The older you are the bigger the reason to move more, ESPECIALLY to lift weights!!!

*Think you don't need to cause you're already skinny? Lucky you. You were blessed with the genetic make-up of a thin person. That does NOT mean you are a healthy person. Thin = healthy? NO!!!! Thin = body type. Health is entirely different. How are you cholesterol levels? How about your body fat percentage? How's your blood pressure? Do you struggle with depression, anxiety or other mental health issues? Are you strong and confident? Do you radiate "healthy, happy person"? Even if you're naturally thin, just keep moving anyway. Everything inside of you will thank you. 

No matter how little you are doing, just keep on going. Every time you go out, set a goal to go a little bigger. Increase bit by bit.

At the start of the year I couldn't run for more than 20 seconds at a time, then I had to either stop and catch my breath or walk. I wanted to give up. I wanted to stop and never start again and again. Sometimes I would sing that annoying song from "Finding Nemo," the one Dory sang when Nemo's dad was getting down and depressed: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...."

In case you don't know what I'm talking about:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmyUkm2qlhA

So come on people! Get moving! And once you start, just keep swimming (or walking, or running, or cycling or whatever!!!) 

Excuses Excuses No More

A friend of mine posted a status on Facebook about a patient of hers who had a long list of reasons they could not exercise.

Here's my thought on that: 

If we all looked for reasons to NOT do things, anything (clean the house, call our parents or siblings, get out of bed in the morning...you get the idea), nothing would ever get done. 

Often we have to have a compelling enough reason to push us to do something. Do I want to go to work every day? No, I certainly do not. BUT, I realize and accept that if I don't, I won't be able to keep the apartment I love, eat the food I want, etc etc. So, I go to work.

Do I want to go running when it's time? Not always. And trust me I am a pro at finding reasons NOT to exercise. It's a skill I fine tuned over the course of the last 18 years (age 20-38.) But eventually, the reality of the alternative became to resemble the reality of what my life would be like if I didn't go to work.

My heart and arteries would cease to function properly.
My blood pressure would cause me to have a stroke.
My body would cease to respond to insulin, causing me to develop diabetes.
I would eventually lose my limbs from that disease, assuming I had not already had a stroke or heart attack.
Overall, health wise, things were looking grim.

I had not done a good job at taking care of my number one asset: my body. And I had every reason/excuse in the world not to exercise (bad back, bad knees, exercise gave me migraines, my hips hurt like crazy and the list goes on and on.) I decided to do it anyway.

And here's the thing...

My parents are in their 60's. My Dad recently ruptured a disc in his back. My Mom has Parkinson's. Talk about two people who have every reason to throw in the proverbial towel. Instead, my Dad ran a half marathon on Saturday and my Mom does CrossFit five days a week. Trust me, your excuses, and mine, are invalid.

Instead of looking for every reason NOT to exercise or eat healthy, try, just for thirty days, to find every reason why you CAN, and WILL exercise and eat healthy. Just 30 days. It will make a huge difference in your attitude about SO SO SO many things. You will surprise yourself at how much you are capable of doing. You may find that you are, overall, happier. Excuses for other things in your life will start to fade as well. Just 30 days of no excuses. After that, you can do whatever you want. But I have a sneaky suspicion that you will be pleased with the outcome.

My First Half Marathon

Yesterday I did it. I completed my first half marathon. I had to walk parts of it, but still, I finished. (I would like to note that the reason I had to walk was because of my foot killing me, not due to a lack of physical fitness.) My Dad and I did it together and it was, for lack of a better description, awesome!

It started with an early morning wake up call, at 3:30, a quick breakfast of toast (too nervous to eat much else) and a drive to the mall, which was packed with well over 3,000 runners. We all loaded up on buses that took us up the canyon to the starting point. It was chilly and breezy and people huddled around fire pits to stay warm. Everywhere you looked, there were smiling, healthy, fit people. We stretched, blew noses, and then were herded to the starting line by the volunteers.

The first part was pretty easy and we were able to run and keep up good conversation. We saw one runner down, she hurt something and couldn't put any weight on her leg at all. Kinda spooked me, but hardly a reason to stop. Up the only incline of the race, we kept going, walking when needed. Paused briefly to get a photo in front of Bridal Veil Falls, then back to running/walking.

There were other groups that were doing the same thing as us, run some, walk a little, and we'd pass them, then they'd pass us.

Bathroom stop, and the first full marathoners zoomed past, like gazelles. They made it look so easy and effortless. They were clearly VERY fit.

Back to running.

The first female marathoner clipped past. She was also fit, but not thin or wimpy looking like some that were going to come along later in the race. Nope, she was solid, muscly, strong and impressive.

As we neared the finish line, I knew I wanted to cross it running, and I had a time in mind I wanted to beat (and a specific runner.) So for the last two miles I decided to run, sore foot be damned. I went as fast as I dared, at a pace I felt like I could maintain, and I beat the time I wanted to, and the runner, finished, and...got my finishers metal!!!

After, I kind of had that, "Oh crap I am going to pass out" feeling. Found a chair and sat, with my head down, til I could feel my teeth, feet and hands again, and my vision returned to normal.. Then, a massage on my lower legs and feet.

Boarded the bus with other tired, stinky runners, back to my parents for pickle juice, blueberries and tapioca pudding. Then home...where I slept for four hours. (Stopped at a fast food drive through to get a lemonade because I was EXTREMELY thirsty and fell asleep waiting for the guy in front of me to place his order. Yep. I was a sleepy girl.)

All in all it was a wonderful day. I have been inspired in a huge way to do more, exercise more, run more, have fun more, try new things...

Mostly though, it was a great way to spend a Saturday morning with my Dad :)

Moved To Tears

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook and it literally brought tears to my eyes to read it. Maybe because I can relate to it in so many ways. Maybe because I have dear friends who can. Maybe because it's about time someone said this, instead of all the mean and cruel options out there. Either way, it's short, sweet, and well worth the read.
http://flintland.blogspot.com/2012/05/hey-fat-girl.html?m=1

As for my feet and running:
My dad talked to the doctor and he said they can give me another shot. I'm going to try another one AND keep wearing the insoles. These SuperFeet are...well...pretty super. They have to be cut to size, but it has been SO worth it. Are my feet completely pain free? No, but I went for an hour run yesterday, then worked a long day, and a two hour hike today and so far, they are holding up really, really well.

I looked at my cute little feet last night when I took my shoes off and was surprised to discover that my arch was back to how it use to be about 15 years ago. I hadn't realized that is was dropping, but apparently it was and obviously, that explains a lot.

The other thing that I realized is that I use to rub my feet a lot, like foot massage. Pretty much every night I would give each foot and each little toes a front to back, top to bottom rub down. I'd make sure my toes were relaxed and that they felt loved and cared for. For whatever reason I had stopped doing that. My toes were freakishly tense and my feet felt like they were crying the first time I massaged them. We are getting reacquainted and I must say, it has been very pleasant.

Feet: often ignored but always the bearer of all our pressures, literally.

Take care of you feet, for they can carry only as far as you care for them. 

Today's Foot Report: Partly Cloudy

Yesterday, things were feeling pretty good in the foot department so I went for a short little run. Like...really short (1.5 miles). Foot felt fine. This morning I woke up and stepped out of bed and...sad to report...foot hurt. I put on shoes to go do some fun stuff with a friend and about two hours later,  foot hurt even more. I went to REI to look for good shoes and by the end of THAT...yep...even worse. 

So I bought some good insoles. 

And came home and rested my foot. 

And got mad. 

Stupid nerves with neuromas. Stupid hurting. 

And now I am ready to cut my insoles to size, slip them into my running shoes, go running with them, and pray they help. If I have to numb myself with Motrin for the next two weeks til this race is done, so be it.

But I am really, really hoping the insoles make the difference. If they help even a little bit, I will get some to go in every pair of shoes I own. 

This is the brand my doc recommended (Superfeet.) I tried a couple out and went with the blue (each color is different depending on how high your arches are, etc etc...)  I also indulged in a pair of rather expensive running socks. No clue if that will make a difference but I figured the only thing it could hurt was my bank account. 

Here's to trying new things and PRAYING they work. 

It Doesn't Matter What You Do...

...as long as it's ore than what you did before.
Like walking? Try this on for size:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib3Duz_6a9M
I'm serious.
I'ts fun.
I can't dance for crap, but when I go out for a jog, I listen to music and...sometimes...I just can't help it. I HAVE to dance while jogging. It happens to be incredible liberating, and fun. I am sure people who see me are wondering if I am having some kind of a seizure, but I hope the big grin across my face puts their mind to rest a little.
All I'm saying is, move more than you use to.
And if you can throw some dancing in there too (even if you look weird) then hey, even better.

So Far, So Good...

A little over 24 hrs post cortisone shot (a HUGE thank you to Dr. Jaramillo in Orem, Ut.) and so far I am feeling a little bit better. After walking dogs today I think I am going to need the insoles as well, but at least I am not in a huge amount of pain.

One plus that this foot problems and the frustration has brought front and center is this: BE FLEXIBLE. I don't just mean physically (although I need to work on that too), I mean mentally. Sometimes, crappy things happen and force us to set new goals. IF it turns out I can't run anymore, it doesn't mean I can't still be a very fit and happy person. I have two sister's who can't run again. Like ever. And they do a GREAT job being fit and healthy. So...if I can't run, I am working on remembering all the other things I want, and can do. I am remembering all the things I have NOT focused on while focusing so much on being ready to run this race. Sometimes, things beyond our control force us into looking into, and remembering, other things we can do, other ways we can grown and excel. So yeah, this has been a major pain (literally) but it hasn't been a total loss, and for that I am grateful.

On another note:
After reading a lot online, I have learned that shoes a-la Birkenstock and Earth brand are really helpful for neuroma's. I have one pair of Jerusalem stompers (aka Birkenstock sandals) but think an investment in a couple more pairs of this kind of shoes (reverse heals) may be worth it. I happen to find them EXTREMELY comfortable and cute, and yes, I realize I stand with a small crowd with the "cute shoes" part of that opinion.

They can be pricey, so it's time to start combing the internet for bargains, and saving.
And time to remember and include, other things I CAN and WANT to do.

So...been a rough couple of week? Yep. Turned it into something good? Yep on that too!

I have wanted these Birks for YEARS!!! 

  

Oh...these are pretty....

And these? PERFECT for work. Even though they aren't my fave, I do like them (I have a thing for red shoes) and they are what I need...

Trying Something New

Tonight, I'm trying a yoga class. A previous coworker teaches the class and offers it for a donation, not a set price, which is nice. I have no idea what to expect or if I will like it or be any good (ok actually I'm pretty sure I won't be good at it but I'm ok with that) but I am hopeful.

OAN: I have not been able to run in almost a week. I was really frustrated and basically didn't work out all this past week. Turns out, that's a really bad idea. I didn't sleep well. I was in a horrible mood. I did not handle stress well one tiny bit. Why no running? Because my foot has been absolutely killing me. Sunday I met a very kind foot doc who gave me some tips and let me know that if I wanted a cortisone injection he'd give it to me at no charge. This is a HUGE bonus, since I currently don't have insurance. I was going to just go with insoles but after completing one hike, I could barely walk. So...cortisone shot it is. Tomorrow it happens. I am hoping to be back in the running shoes by Saturday. In the mean time....yoga class, elliptical, weights, bike, and whatever else I can come up with. I was kind of a pouty lame-o last week. That kind of attitude is not going to get me where I want to be.

If it doesn't work, that will be a total bummer, but it doesn't mean I can't reach other goals.
(I'm just really hoping it does what it's supposed to do.)

What's hurting my foot? 

This:

It's a painful little lump growing on my nerve on my foot. 

Stupid neuroma. 

I Have Bad Knees, Bad Back, Bad Foot...

...and after watching this, am officially out of excuses for not working harder or trying new things. Give it a quick look see. Eve if you are in great shape, it's a pretty cool little video :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448

To Do Or Not To Do? The Whole 30 That Is..m

I need a kick in the pants, nutritionally speaking that is. One can work out all one wants, but without proper nutrition, one (and by one, in this case, I mean me) will not see the results one wants, rather desperately, to see.

See, there's something that happens when one eats well. I know I have mentioned this before, but I think it warrants saying again. So many other things fall into place when  healthy eating and living are a focus. Time management? Yup. You can't eat well without planning ahead. Sleep better? Naturally. Have more energy? Duh. See faster results with exercise? That too.

So, do I go back to my initial experiment of 30 days of nothing but whole, fresh foods, the majority of calories from plant based foods, or do I try something different?

My mom and sister are doing an eating plan called "The Whole 30." From what I can tell, it's a paleo-based way of eating. What does this mean? No grain. No dairy. No legumes. No sugar or sugar substitutes. Nothing processed, pre-packaged etc etc. One thing I would need to alter a little is, no table salt. I HAVE to have iodine. So what CAN you eat? Meat. Veggies. Fruit. Nuts (but not peanuts, they are technically a legume). Seeds. Eggs....yeah that about sums it up. Apparently doing this for 30 days can render some impressive results. One area it's supposed to help is with inflammation. I could use that right now.

This is really similar to what I did before, except I allowed myself grains at breakfast, some legumes, protein mixes from plant sources, no sugar but I did eat stevia and a little honey, and minimal amounts of dairy (milk at breakfast, a little bit of cheese, and yogurt, no ice cream.) I ate (and still do for the most part), foods whose ingredients my grandparents would recognize. I saw some great results! And I saw them really quickly. I occasionally eat sugar now, but am realizing that pretty much ANY refined sugar is too much. I eat more grains than I did during my 30 days of experiment. I can honestly say I am not eating as many veggies as I need to be. And I am starting to see that it is making it harder for me to lose weight, my allergies are getting worse (is it seasonal, or diet related?), and I don't have as much energy. My skin still looks good but not as good as it did, and I am not managing my time or money nearly as well. Slackin'.

Clearly, I would benefit greatly from going back to that way of eating.

My ponderings lately include: Would I see MORE benefits from the Whole 30 than from what I ate? Do I have it in me to do the Whole 30? Can I afford it? Will it be THAT different from what I already did and would I see better results? I don't know. Would I like to see fast results in a reduction of belly fat (a change that fans of this ways of eating claim to see quickly)? Uh, yeah. Most women I know would. And the other benefits I hear about would lovely as well.

Frankly, I just don't know if I can afford it, and I don't know if I can give up yogurt, cheese, breakfast grains, and stevia. But just for 30 days? Maybe...

(On that note, I have a second interview tomorrow for a higher paying job. How much higher? Don't know yet, but if it's high enough...The Whole 30 would be a much more reasonable option.)

Anyway, I am thinking about doing it. It's NOT a "no carb" way of eating. Fruits and many veggies have carbs. It's just a minimalist way of eating.

All I know is, I need to change what I'm doing. Things are stagnant and I do not like that. It's unacceptable.

(this is rambling so...I'm just going to end now and go think off-line...)

Metatarsals, Odd Habits, New Joy!

I went running last night. 5 miles. Rarely do I have what I consider to be a "bad run," but man...this one was pretty much crap. (Don't worry, we'll to the joy part of all of this soon.) It was hot outside (I not like heat.) I chose to run in a place I usually don't go (SUPER wealthy neighborhood near by, where it's quiet and people drive slowly), and for whatever reason that seemed to throw me off as well, and I was really, really tired. I had not slept well at all the night before. The runners high I love and seek like a junkie never happened. Total bummer.

Also, my metatarsals are killing me! (What on earth are metatarsals you ask? The balls of my feet. They hurt. A lot.) This makes running difficult and painful, and in an effort to ease the ouch, I adjust the way I run, which then throws EVERYTHING else out of whack. *sigh* I hear they make insoles for this problem. I think I shall get some. STAT! (Keep reading, happy part gets here eventually.)

Something else I realized I do without even being aware of it? I curl the toes of my left foot under. Under what? Under my foot. While I run. And walk. And just sit around. I just do it for some weird reason. I had NO idea I had this odd little habit/quirk, nor do I know why I have it, but I do. I noticed it the other day when I was running and was like, "What are doing?! Stop that! It freaking HURTS!" Then I noticed I was doing it at work while sitting and waiting for lunch. Woke up the other night to go to the bathroom, crawled back into bed and...yup, curled toes under. Turns out, this is a bad thing to do when one is running. I MUST end this, or I seriously think I will do some bad damage to my cute little toes. (Yes I DO think my toes are cute. In fact, I pretty much love feet in general.) This for sure explains the really weird pain I have been feeling in the toes of my left foot, and only the left. (People, and I include myself in this observation, are kind of weird and quirky.) Guess being more fit and active forces us to learn things about outselves we otherwise NEVER would have noticed.

Ok now for the HAPPY:

So what's this new joy I speak of? It's the day after a good work out, initial walk past the mirror first thing in the morning, moment. Maybe this just happens to me but...I swear I am skinnier in the morning. Leaner looking or something. ESPECIALLY if I have exercised the night before. So, first thing in the morning, as I stumble to the bathroom, hair all messy and mouth in dire need of tooth brush attention, I am often pleasantly surprised to the point of stopping to do a double take, by the image I see reflected back to me. Cellulite, going away. Muscle tone, becoming more prominent. Tummy muscles, visible in some areas. Legs, strong... You get the idea. Room for improvement? Yes, but overall...happiness with how things are shaping up. This moment beings me much joy, and is part of what keeps me going. It's a lovely way to start the day!

Another little moment of joy? When I feel that my saddle bags are more the "day-pack" size vs the "two week trek in the Himalaya's" they use to be. I seriously was so shocked by their reduction I had to go check in the mirror to make sure I had not "lost" part of my upper thigh/butt area on the hiking trail or while running. (Now that I think about it, that's probably EXACTLY where I left them.) It was like overnight, *POOF* *CHANGE*!! The exercise fairy godmother waved her magic muscle wand over my butt and put it back where it was about 10 years ago and at the same time performed some magical disappearing act on my thighs! Have I worked hard for this change? Absolutely. Was I still surprised by it? Yep. Still...it's pretty awesome and fills me with MUCH joy to see some huge pay offs for my hard work.

 (Personally I think the Workout Fairy would be a little bit more fit, but that's just me.)

So why exercise? Because it brings you joy in unexpected moments. (True that it is also causing some pain right now, but really, the pay off is SOOOO totally worth it! Promise. It is.)

SEE?! Dang it! Just caught myself curling my toes under! So weird...

WEIGHT LIFTING! BOO-YAH!!!

Two weeks ago my hips were hurting VERY badly from all the running. My feet were cramping, knees complaining... It was not good at all. I could feel that I was on the verge of injury that may have hung me out to dry and forced me to give up on the upcoming race (aka bucket list event.) I read all I could about what to do to STOP an injury in it's track, what to do to make sure I am preventing injuries etc etc... Here's what I have learned: 

Tip #1: Lift weights. Especially focus on the core, lower back, butt and hamstrings. 

Tip #2: Stretch.

Tip #3: Run less.

Tip #4: Rice. Ice. Compress. Elevate.

Tip #5: Take anti-inflammatories

So...I have added weight lifting, cut running back to three days a week, resumed stretching, and have made my ice pack and ace bandages my new best friends. I have been taking motrin as needed. And wouldn't ya know it...the experts were right! Less sore, better results, easier runs, not as totally exhausted or starving all the time. 

I also started doing upper body weight training. My arms are looking pretty good already, if I do say so  myself. My back is pulling in tighter as well. I am pretty pleased with this. I want to be strong. I want my arms to be impressive, and I am not afraid to admit it. Someday, bulging biceps and impressive triceps WILL be mine! And that weird, old lady, turkey waddle back-of-the-arm thing WILL be gone if it kills me. Oh...and...I WILL have a back with those cool muscles between the shoulder blades and...all over. 

OAN: I have not weighed myself in a little while. I became far to obsessed with the numbers. It has been liberating, but also slightly nerve racking. I will start using the one to check body fat and muscle mass percentage again once I feel like I have fully refocused on what healthy living vs just losing weight. In the mean time, I am really pushing myself to eat as healthy as I ever have, and to focus on strength again. I even opened a jar today, and I didn't even need to run it under hot water or bang it with a knife to make it happen. GO ME!!!!

 :) 

Vegetables Rock

A little while ago I posted a blog about a tasty recipe with veggies and pasta. I tried it last week and keep making it, over and over. Why? Because it is SOOOO good! And It is loaded with veggies, and veggies ROCK.

Wanna stay full after eating a meal? Add lots of veggies.
Wanna lose weight? Eat veggies.
Wanna lower cholesterol, blood pressure, add vitamins, minerals and fiber to your diet? Add veggies.

Getting the picture?

I adjusted the recipe a little bit. I cooked the chicken AND pasta in broth (chicken, but veggie would work too if you are a non-meat eater.) I chopped up all the veggies and had them set aside until the chicken was fully cooked, then tossed them in and BARELY cooked them, just enough to add a hint of flavor.

I am so enjoying this meal! It's super light and perfect for summer.

Did I mention...VEGETABLES ROCK!!!

Say WHAT?!?!

Ok I am not a sucker for the "latest and greatest craze" when it comes to eating and drinking healthy a fad (uber amounts of green tea etc etc.)

BUT...

A fad that is a CHOCOLATE drink?
Where do I sign up?

http://thebarrestudio.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/brewed-cocoa-the-hottest-new-fat-burning-drink-you-probably-havent-heard-of/

I WILL be trying this. Soon.

This Weeks Plans:

On running days: run (obviously.)
On the off days: do weights and core work. Everything I am reading says "strong core help you be a less injured runner," as well as "have a strong butt, your knees will thank you" and "jump rope on your off days helps with better running form." So noted.
On Sunday: rest.
I will need it.
Will keep ya'll posted on how it goes.
Wish me luck.

Adjust Your Focus

Sometimes, in the old days, when one tried to take a photo, the camera would get out of focus and unlike the new fancy-schmancy cameras, the old ones had to be manually adjusted, while the human operating the thing peered through the lens, hoping to get the focus just so. 

Life is often like those old cameras, and we have to carefully, with thorough and detailed persistence, adjust our focus. 

At the beginning of the year, I had razor sharp focus on being strong, fit and healthy. Then I started to lose weight and for whatever reason, I got out of focus. Seeing myself in the mirror as a smaller version of myself freaked me out. I started to focus on the wrong numbers and for the wrong reasons. I lost sight of "fit" and focused on "thin." I really don't want to be a thin or skinny person (see previous posts.) That is not my ideal at all. What I DO want is to be VERY fit, and to have that as my lifestyle. 

My goals lens, for whatever reason, has been out of focus for a couple of weeks. 

The last couple of days I have REALLY been focusing and working to remember why I started this lifestyle change in the first place. I have worked to remember what my original goals looked like in my head, and have been working hard to adjust my focus. My sister Emily suggested I go back and re-read some of my earlier blog entries, and doing that helped a great deal.

What do I want? Strength. Muscle. A powerful body. A capable body. THAT is my focus. THAT is what I want. And THAT is NOT weak, vulnerable or easily controlled by others. What I want, is strength in ALL areas of health and life. 

Focus: adjusted. 

(Why be strong, capable and healthy? Because one never knows when something like the "Hunger Games" is actually going to happen, and damn it, if it does, I want to be able to stand a fighting chance. Ya know? Kidding...mostly.)

BTW: The woman in that photo is Miranda O. She was the coach at the CrossFit I use to go to. She is truly an inspiration to me :) I didn't get permission to use this photo and I apologize to anyone if it's not ok for me to use it. Should you (whoever doesn't want me to post it) stumble across this, let me know and I will remove the photo.

Again With The Mind/Body Connection Thing (And a Yummy Pasta Recipe Too)

Ok so when I decide I am going to do something, or learn about it, I tend to geek out on it a bit. I get online and head to the book store or library and do a crap ton of research. This happened at the start of the year with eating healthy. I wanted to know what REAL healthy eating looked like, so I found out and then did it (and still do to a great extent.)

 Now it's on to healthy weight and life style. The topic du jour: How to let myself be ok with being thin, how to not freak out and feel like a moving target, how to be ok with being a less big version of me. Again, geeking out. When I googled "mind body connection weight loss" I got this:

See that middle set of photos? Same guy (well, ALL the photos are the same guy but the middle two are the ones I find most interesting ). His name is Jon Gabriel and he spent years on every diet on the planet trying to figure out how to lose weight. He was an EXPERT on weight loss. Unfortunately, like myself, he was also an expert on weight gain. He started doing TONS of research, going to school to learn about how the human body works, super duper geeked out on the topic of healthy living. He realized there's a MASSIVE connection between mind and body, and some people's mind simply tell the person, "Hey um...you don't want to be thin. There's danger in that." I watched the movie "Hungry for Change." This is where I first came in contact with this guy, and with the idea that mentally, I have sometime against being thin. I thought about it for a while, originally thinking it was a crock of crap because I want to be thin and fit more than I want pretty much anything right now. But then, when watching the film for a second time, I heard a line and it made me cry. "How will I keep myself safe in this new, fit body? What will I do to protect myself?" and it made me cry, and I didn't want to think about it. Anytime something makes me cry and I want to avoid thinking about it, it's a pretty good sign that I NEED to be focusing on it, because usually, it's the one big thing I have avoided thinking about. 

So anyway, it's time to find a copy of this guys book (and maybe a few other on changing long held, unhealthy beliefs) and get cracking. More work to be done. I have to succeed at this. 

OK PASTA RECIPE!!!! 

In an effort to cut sugar our of my diet, I started looking for a pasta sauce that has less sugar than the usual. It's a sneaky hidden ingredient in the stuff. I just ate some of Newman's Own, and since I don't eat sugar on a regular basis anymore, I could taste it right away. SUPER SWEET! Not what I want on my whole wheat, ground flax seed noodles. I am also not eating canned tomatoes or tomato paste. The lining of the cans has a chemical in it that has a strong link to cancer, and I prefer to avoid knowingly and purposefully ingesting the stuff. 

When I was in college, I had to stretch a bottle of pasta sauce out for as long as possible, so I would get creative. I tried lots of things. I often did something similar to what I am posting here, but I usually ended up with extremely overcooked veggies, the skin on the tomatoes were unsavory, and I ate it because I didn't have any other option, not because I actually liked it. I would mix it in with about a quarter cup pasta sauce, hoping it would be edible. I have learned a couple things about cooking since then, and although I still like the idea, have realized how to fix the afore mentioned problems. After eating my dinner tonight, I had this thought, and I THINK (haven't actually tried it yet but I am going to soon and will post results) that is will be good. 

Get some healthy noodles. Cook them. Drizzle lightly with olive oil and toss. Set aside.

Get some veggies (yellow squash, zucchini, tomatoes, asparagus maybe, peppers for sure.) Also get fresh basil and oregano and maybe rosemary and mint too. 

 Boil the tomatoes and do that cool trick where you dip them in cool water and the skins peel off really easily. Cut all the veggies up into smaller, bite sized pieces. Cut up or just pull apart the herbs. Boil some water. When it's really rolling, toss in the veggies (minus the already cooked tomatoes), NOT the herbs, and let them cook for only about 2 minutes, so they are still pretty crisp and fresh. Strain them. 

Put all veggies, noodles and herbs in a big ol' skillet. You may need to add a touch more olive oil. Add salt and pepper. Heat til warm and yummy smelling. Don't heat too long or it will turn into a big, mushy mess. Top with grated parmasean cheese. Eat it up yum! 

Feel free to add meat. If doing so, cook it in the skillet with some of the herbs, salt and pepper BEFORE you add the veggies and pasta. You really only want them in there long enough to get some of the flavor of the basil etc etc, not to cook them more. The fresher the better.

I am excited to to try this no sugar, high veggie content alternative to pasta sauce. I think it will be super yummy.  

Fat = Safe (or so says my mind)

I know I have written about this before but it has been on my mind more and more lately, so here it goes again:

The mind and the body are connected. To say otherwise is plain old idiotic. Need proof? Try this: Think of something that scares you, that REALLY scares you. (For me it's heights.) Now, go on youtube and watch a video of exactly what that thing is. Half way through said video, notice what's going on with you physically. Tense? Stomach in small knots? Sweating more than usual anywhere? Yup, I thought so. And why is that? You KNOW you aren't actually sitting there in real life facing your extreme fear. It's because the brain doesn't know the difference. It experiences the stimuli of watching the video as real. It's a good thing logic weighs in a little, or you may end up curled up in a ball on the floor crying and hoping you don't wet your pants, depending on how bad your fear is. THAT my friends is mind/body connection.

When you experience a stimuli, your brain reacts, sending messages to your body on how best to respond, and you don't have to do a darn thing to make that happen. It just does.

I am starting to believe that the mind/body connection, for many people, plays a HUGE roll in health and weight management. Let me try to explain why I think this, from my perspective and experience. I understand that this will be different for everyone and I can only speak from my own perspective, so bear with me here.

I have been doing some soul searching lately about a lot of things in my life. Personal relationships. School. Jobs. Where to live. Some pretty big issues. Another on that list is my weight, body composition and health. I have realized, in moments of quiet self-reflection, that in my mind, fat = safe. It's like a cushion that keeps out the world. It's a barrier and a layer of protection. It keeps away unwanted attention. In my mind, thin = weak = small = vulnerable.

Do I logically think that bad things never happen to fat people, that they are never the target of crime or unwanted sexual advances? No. But on some level, for some reason, I believe this to be true. If you are thin, you are weak, you are small and you are a target. I know I do NOT want to be a target. Ever again. I know last time I was thin and confident, I had a bulls eye painted on the middle of my forehead. And boy did they get smacked with a bullet. When I was small, the same bull eyes was there, and holy smokes did it get smacked hard then as well. So it stands to reason that I have this belief help rather firmly in my head. If I am thin, if I am small, bad things will happen.

So my question is: Now that I realize this, and fully understand that this is indeed my belief, and that my mind says to my body "STAY FAT AND STAY SAFE" rather loudly, now what do I do? Where do I go from here? This is a very old message that is pretty firmly set in my mind. How do I change it? Funny, that I have spent 14 years helping kids overcome this exact issue of how to alter perspectives of reality, but when it comes to myself, I have no idea how to start.

I have hit a plateau and need to figure out what to do next. I know changing my thinking is the biggest step. I am VERY aware of how the mind send signals to the body telling it to be hungry, to protect itself, to be safe, that more calories and more unhealthy, sugar and fat rich foods are needed, that I am getting thin and the outline of the bulls eye is returning, that it's time to hurry, be safe, and be fat. I need to figure out how to stop those signals, how to convince my mind that I can be safe as a fit, thin, strong person. Fit = safe. Strong = safe. Thin = safe. These are the messages behind the new reality I need to accept. Or maybe just that those things do not make a difference at all in ones levels of personal safety. I don't know. I really don't know what to make of it. All I know is, this is one belief that needs to be let go of. Soon.

No Really, I NEVER Burn...

I have worked with kids in residential treatment centers for a while now...for a long while actually. Every spring I tell the kids they need to wear sunblock and every spring hear the same thing, "No seriously Polly, I NEVER get sun burned." I let the kids who have darker skin tones (and by darker I mean African-American) go ahead and skip the sunscreen. The rest, however, are not allowed out to play until they bathe themselves in the stuff.

Then I am gone for a day or two. And the other staff, newer to the field of working with teens from other parts of the country, let them run and play in the 4,000 ft altitude, dry air sun that they are not use to. And I return to work, and get to listen to the shock in their voices as they tell me, again, that they NEVER burn, despite the evidence proving them wrong. Even the kids of Native American and Latino descent are shocked to see that they too, are pink, sore and sometimes blistered.

Right. In Chicago, I bet you don't. But here, it's a totally different story. The other thing you don't know is that in Chicago (or Kentucky, or pretty much ANYWHERE else from whence you hail) you are still, despite a lack of a sun burn, doing damage to your skin.

I would love to have my teenage skin back (minus all the breaking out.) No wrinkles, no sun spots, tiny little pores. Alas, I didn't start really using sunscreen til I was in my late 20's. By then, I had multiple sun spots and the wrinkles were settling in.

I now wear sunscreen every day. So far this year I have even remembered my hands. Today I learned that for the first hike of the year, SPF 15 is not quite enough. So noted. Although not a bad burn I am not pleased that  it happened at all. Health isn't just about exercising and eating right. If your skin rots away from cancer, all the good food in the world can't and won't save you.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say, "If I'm going to die anyway, I may as well look good!" and use that as a reason not to care for their skin. Skin cancer is a brutal, horrific way to die. It generally likes to leap to your brain, causing dementia and basically making you go crazy, THEN you die. Ever  watched someone fight cancer? Any kind? Go wander through Huntsman Cancer Institute, then ask yourself if that's how you want to go. Think you'll look good, with a nice tan, when you're dying of skin cancer? Think again. Don't like the feel of sunscreen on your skin, or the smell? Again, wander through Huntsman and see how comfortable the people are, and take particular note of the aromas. Yeah, I can see how sun screen would bother you.

I'm not saying you have to stay pale all year round. I certainly don't. I'm just asking you to be smart. Wear sunscreen. You'll still get color, and you also greatly decrease your chances of getting skin cancer. Take care of ALL of your organs, especially your biggest: your skin.

Week 1 of Half Marathon Training Complete

Today, it was a 4 mile run. Not too bad. The first time I did a four mile run it about killed me. Today, it actually felt really good :) YAY!

This weeks total miles run: 13.

I changed my weight loss goal from a lb and a half a week to one lb a week. It increased my daily calorie intake to a little over 1600 per day.Right now my focus is more on getting ready to run this race than it is on losing weight. The extra calories a week are welcomed. I am SO hungry. I have been working out regularly up til now but running, even though it's just another level of calories burned, is hard work. Harder than an elliptical for sure. But I am loving it.

Thinking, maybe, after the half marathon, it might be time to try a triathlon. Maybe...
One step at a time.

Next weeks projected total miles to run: 15

Try New Stuff :)

Among the things I want to try over this coming year, new foods is on the list.Today's experiment:  


FENNEL

(see image below.)

Not the seeds (which are often placed near the cash registers at Indian restaurants), but the bulb. White, similar to celery in texture, only not as "woody", but FAR more flavorful. Slightly minty and slightly like licorice, it is truly  a tasty addition to may recipes. Tonight, it went into stir fry, then after, I ate about a quarter cup fresh. SUPER yummy. 

So why fennel? 

Like I mentioned, it is full of flavor. Very light, but...filling as well. Plus, it also has many, many healthy benefits. Touted as a natural anti-inflammatory, it is reported to be good for heart health, high in vitamin C, potassium and many trace minerals that are not common in other foods. It is also high in fiber. Some say it has strong anti-cancer properties as well. It is often used to help stomach issues (think of it as a plant based pepto :-). Mothers who have trouble nursing are told it helps being in milk, and since it can help with stomach problems, can also help with colic in babies of mother who eat it. Here are some links if you care to do some reading on the topic. The LIVESTRONG site has many links to research on the plant. The other is just kind of interesting. 

http://www.livestrong.com/article/381916-what-are-the-health-benefits-of-fresh-fennel/

http://www.nutrition-and-you.com/fennel-bulb.html

Sound too good to be true? 

Maybe. 

Ya never know.

Here's what I noticed tonight: 

* Upset stomach I was experiencing (ok and some gas too), were helped significantly 

* Breath is fresh and mouth tastes sweet and clean, in a really natural, healthy way. 

* Perhaps it's the potassium, but the pending muscle cramps I have had all day seem to be abating, always a bonus

* Joint pain is noticeably lessened. 

I didn't know that fennel has all these supposed health properties when I bought it and ate it. I saw it online in a recipe and could remember what it tasted like, and for some reason it sounded incredibly good. About a half hour after I ate it, I noticed stomach issues were settling down so I became curious. And lo! So many pleasant surprises. 

My point in sharing this info? To encourage other to try new things too. It goes great in stir-fry, fresh salads (going to mix it in with a spinach and orange salad, think it will be SUPER yummy), and who knows what else. There are many, many recipes online that inclued it, cooked or fresh. So join me! Expand what you eat and the flavors you use! Fun times! 

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, The Things to Be Proud Of (Real Self-Talk)

Tonight I did day 3 of week 1 of a ten week "get ready to run your first half marathon" training. The first two runs this week, although short, were closer together than I am use to and my knees were telling me to stick to the treadmill tonight, so I did. The ones at my apartment are in a little on site gym, right in front of giant windows that have reflective glass. So, as I ran, I got to see myself...the whole time.

Aaaaallll 45 minutes of running and walking...me, staring back at me...

And here was my thinking and what I noticed and the self-talk that happened:

"Man...I am really looking better than I have in quite a while. Like...seriously. Check me out... Waste: smaller. Hips too. And that weird fat deposit by my shoulder under my collar bone is almost gone...." Running zone out starts to kick in as I settle into a comfortable pace.

Then a couple of minutes tick by and this happens:

"What the...? Is the skin on my upper arms seriously that flappy?! And yes I mean flappy, not flabby. Ew! Look at it ripple with every step. OHDEARLORDTHATISSOGROSS!! I need to start doing push ups again. Like now. Like stop running and do push ups. Strong is good. Flappy arms are NOT good!....No wait...You need to run for the half marathon. Right. Stay on the treadmill, just focus on the good stuff.... So...what was the good stuff again?"

A couple more minutes tick by as I try to remember the good stuff, and do a head to toe review.

I need a hair cut. My skin, outside of being flappy on my arms, looks pretty good. It's clear and bright. Cuter running clothes would be awesome but not necessary. My chest is looking good. Strong. Arms, well, we discussed those already. Stomach: room for improvement but MUCH better than it use to be. Legs...here's an interesting topic. From feet to knees, pretty impressive. A guy at Target even told me so. Good legs run in the family, We are blessed in this area. From the knees up, they resemble my flappy arms: room for improvement, but much better than they use to be. Back: not exactly sure but the push ups I will start doing again on my non-running days are bound to help. Ankles: cute, as usual (when I exercise regularly that is.) I for sure look like a middle age, in shape despite being over weight woman. Overall, not bad. some strong points and some areas to focus on. Lungs: working beautifully. Heart-rate: steady and in a good zone. Muscles: exerting effort but not crying for me to stop. Ok so, areas to focus on have been identified and areas to maintain are noted as well. Excellent. Adjust game plan as needed.

And that was pretty much how it went. I wanted to be honest, but not harsh. When I first noticed my arms and how not-strong they looked, I immediately went into attack and berate mode, which accomplishes nothing but makes me feel horrible about myself.

What I wanted to do was an  truthful self-assessment. Lies, whether too harsh or too nice, only hurt. So I gave myself a head to toe eval that was real, that saw the good, the bad, the ugly, and the "high five yourself because you have rocked it these past three months" areas of my physical being. Some people may be appalled by this. I am not. I want to know where I need to improve. I want to acknowledge how far I have come.

Tonight I hopped on a treadmill for 45 minutes, including warm up and cool down, and ran 5k, non-stop. Three months ago I could barely run for two minutes straight. In my book, that is something for me to be proud of. It is not, however, a reason to say, "Go me! I'm so cool and fit and healthy!" and then stop, or coast along on the success I have experienced so far.

At work I expect feedback as to how well I am or am not doing. I expect it to be honest, frank, and with directions as to how to improve. If I am not willing to do this with myself when it comes to goals and plans and directions I want to go, how on earth do I expect myself to improve.

I hear people tell themselves lies all the time about their health, their weight, their eating habits. They justify. I know what they are doing because I have done it myself, for years. I still find myself slipping back into that habit sometimes. Lying to anyone, but ESPECIALLY to ones self, about anything at all, will only prolong the damage and hurt you are doing.

Be honest. Look at the good, the bad, the ugly and the things to proud of and make adjustments as needed. You don't need to tear yourself down. You don't need to only see the bad. There is PLENTY about you that is good and beautiful. See it all. Acknowledge it all. You deserve to hear the truth, especially from yourself.

Body Mass Index (BMI) Calculations: Trust Them or Not So Much

I just watched a story on NBC nightly news about how the BMI is about 200 years old and not a good way to measure if someone is at an unhealthy weight or not. They showed a picture of a woman who appeared to be slightly overweight, not in very good shape and overall not very healthy. The news caster stated, "This woman was told she was obese, which is shocking to many of us." I thought, "It is?" I have been realizing lately that societies view of what  is a "healthy" body size, is actually quite different than what really IS healthy. Maybe it's because so many Americans struggle with weight issues that the accepted standard is shifting.

I have mentioned my friend Ellie before. She is tall (6 ft), and really very beautiful. She is also thin. It's genetic. Her grandmother was a model, with the typical model body. Her mother is very tall and thin as well. She was recently pulled aside by a coworker and asked if she has an eating disorder. She is one of the healthiest people I know. Thin? Yes. Eating disorder? No.

I have been heavy for a great deal of my life. I recently started eating healthier and getting in shape. This has resulted in my being smaller than I was a couple of months ago. I recently had a concerned coworker ask me if I am "being smart about how fast I am loosing weight" because I am getting too thin. Currently, I am obese. I am no where near too thin, and have not lost weight too quickly. I have made sure of it.

My same friend, Ellie, told me I look great (which I VERY much appreciated.) When I told her that I am still measuring in the "obese" range she was shocked. "How can that be?" she wondered. Despite her own body type, she admitted that her view of what is healthy is warped.

I think her question, combined with societies view of what is and is not healthy, is what the news report was getting at. There are better judges of ones health. There's a blood test that measures levels of a certain hormone (leptin.) There is a body scan that measures bone, muscle and fat density. These two test are FAR more accurate at determining who is truly "obese" and who is not.

All of this having been said, I think what it boils down to is this...

Ask yourself is you are really, truly a healthy eater. Do you REALLY get 5-7 servings of fresh veggies a day? Do you REALLY get 2-3 servings of fresh fruit a day? Do you really exercise regularly? Do you really regulate your sugar intake? Do you REALLY drink about 8 glasses of water a day? If you're in my age group or older, do you have regular doctor visits and get all the necessary tests? Do you know your cholesterol levels? How about blood pressure? Ever had a doctor you're at risk for developing type II diabetes? How's your muscle tone?

Chances are, you know if you are healthy. You know if you have some bad habits you should probably shake. You know, and you know you know.

So, all this drama over "is the BMI a legit way to determine who is obese and who is not" seems a little silly to me. Do you really need a chart to tell you? I bet not. I bet you are VERY aware if you are healthy, or if you are not.  I do think that the BMI can give people a decent idea of where they are, in reality, when it comes simply to a height/weight ratio. And the other two tests are great wake up calls as well. But overall, I think many people are simply comfortable sitting in a quiet unwillingness to be honest with themselves, and they chose to ignore what is happening. I know I have done that, quite well actually, for a long time.The hard part in all of this is getting people to admit  it, and then to do something about it.

Be honest with yourself. Be honest about whether or not you are willing to do what is needed to change, and then be ok with that choice. If you aren't ok with your decision, do what you need to do to ok with your reality and you conscience. Most of all, I hope you're able to love your body to health, not to death.

Easy - Peasy

The official training for a 13.1 mile run began today. First day: run three miles. Easy - peasy! I have worked up to 4.5 twice a week so today's 3 felt like a break.

Tomorrow, a day of rest, followed by three days of small runs like today's. Then, gradual building towards the big day.

My main goal, outside of completing the 13.1, is to do it without injury. THAT is the challenge. I am insisting that I follow the training schedule of slow increases, even if I feel like I could do more. I am also committing, right now, to do the days of rest as scheduled as well. I tend to push too hard and that's when trouble happens.

So tomorrow, even though it will feel lazy to me, I WILL rest. Wednesday, the training will begin again. Ice packs, knee wraps and all.

I CAN do this. I WILL do this. And if I know me, which I think I do, I am going to like this :)

Running Is My Anti-Depressan, and Good Music Helps

Tonight I did my second ever (ok not EVER, but second in a seriously long time) hour long run.
It.
Was.
AWESOME!!!!


You may be wondering how I do it (and this would not surprise me because frankly, I am a bit shocked that I can do it as well.)
Here are my very non-professional tips.
*I decide I am going to do it.
*I set a time to do it.
*I make sure my running clothes are clean.
*I make sure my ipod and phone are charged (one for music, one to track my distance and calories burned.)
*I put on my running clothes (see previous blog entry about my awesome running shoes, and sports bra. Don't worry, I do wear more than those two items.)
*I put my ipod and phone in their little arm band holder thingy and strap it around my arm.
*I step out my door, go down the stairs and walk for five minutes.
*I hit play on my ipod.
*I start to run.
*I stop after an hour.

And it is amazing what happens between the "I start to run" and "I stop after an hour" steps. My mind is filled with endorphins. I stop caring about how I look. I stop worrying about how I am going to make things work in life. I start remembering how beautiful life is. I actually smile while I run (not every second of it, but for part of it I do.) I reflect on my day or the past few days. I feel proud of myself. Life becomes manageable in my mind. Sometimes I chuckle at a funny memory, or at myself and the fact that I just stumbled and probably looked like a total idiot. My legs, namely my knees, occasionally complain. My feet usually moan a little too. But I keep going. I decided I was going to it and damn it, that's what is going to happen.

I have help. My ipod is my friend. I downloaded an app called "podrunner." I absolutely love it. I am freakishly excited right now because I figured out how to get a TON more mixes downloaded. They range in beats per minute from a walking pace up to 180 beats per minute (that's like "Kenyan Olympic runner" fast, just so ya know.) I generally prefer the ones that are 130-145 beats per minute. Yep, I'm slow. Here's the website in case you're interested: http://www.djsteveboy.com/podrunner.html  It's a lot of house, deep house, trance and techno kind of mixes but for me, that's perfect. I can kind of zone out and just get into a rhythm.

So yes, I am one of those freaky people gets super intense runners high. I LOVE how it makes me feel. Seriously. I love it. And I am so very grateful to have a laptop and an ipod to make having good music to run to possible.

Remembering Life a Year Ago

This week I have been crazy busy. I have not done as well as I like to with eating and exercising, but I also have not totally failed either. In the evening I have been doing clinical hours at a center for people who need help rehabilitating after an accident, surgery, injury, all of the above... It's been interesting, seeing what not wearing a seat belt, being hit by a drunk driver, not taking care of ones health and having a limb amputated due to complications from type II diabetes and so many other things, will do to a person. Those who take care of themselves recover from injuries MUCH faster, and seemed to be more social and happier. One 97 year old woman who was hit by a distracted teen driver was able to bounce back from a broken neck. A BROKEN NECK. AT 97 YEARS OF AGE!!! I asked her what her secret was. She said, "Stay active. Don't get fat. Have friends." She said a few more things with more choice words, but I won't post those here. 

It's been interesting this week to remember that, a year ago, I was working 65-80 hours a week. I was stressed out about a loved one beyond a level of stress I thought was even a possible. I was eating whatever was fast, easy and available. Lots and lots and lots of sugar. I hiked once a week. But that was it. I was totally in survival mode. I was exhausted all the time. I looked horrible. I felt horrible. It was bad. I am not saying I'm 100% better. Not at all. I still struggle and I have a long ways to go. BUT...I am listening to Louis,  the 97 year old who has bounced back from a broken neck, and all the other smart, healthy people I have met, read about, watched on movies etc etc... I am staying active. I'm getting less fat. And I am working on keeping my friends as well :) 

The week has been a very good reminder of a few things. I have come a long ways. I have a long ways to go. Things are dramatically different than they were a year ago. I am proud of myself for so many reasons. I believe I can do all I aspire to do. I have not always believed that to be true. But for whatever reason, I now do. 

Plus...I just tried on a dress at REI, a dress that, at the end of the summer last year, when I weighed EXACTLY what I do now, looked pretty horrible on me, and today, it looked darn cute. Progress. YAY! Muscle is so awesome. So is health.

That's the dress I tried on. Here's the link to the site of the company that makes it. It's a great fit, really simple and flattering.
http://www.hornytoad.com/womens/dresses-skirts/rosemarie-dress/h1172123/