Running Is My Anti-Depressan, and Good Music Helps

Tonight I did my second ever (ok not EVER, but second in a seriously long time) hour long run.
It.
Was.
AWESOME!!!!


You may be wondering how I do it (and this would not surprise me because frankly, I am a bit shocked that I can do it as well.)
Here are my very non-professional tips.
*I decide I am going to do it.
*I set a time to do it.
*I make sure my running clothes are clean.
*I make sure my ipod and phone are charged (one for music, one to track my distance and calories burned.)
*I put on my running clothes (see previous blog entry about my awesome running shoes, and sports bra. Don't worry, I do wear more than those two items.)
*I put my ipod and phone in their little arm band holder thingy and strap it around my arm.
*I step out my door, go down the stairs and walk for five minutes.
*I hit play on my ipod.
*I start to run.
*I stop after an hour.

And it is amazing what happens between the "I start to run" and "I stop after an hour" steps. My mind is filled with endorphins. I stop caring about how I look. I stop worrying about how I am going to make things work in life. I start remembering how beautiful life is. I actually smile while I run (not every second of it, but for part of it I do.) I reflect on my day or the past few days. I feel proud of myself. Life becomes manageable in my mind. Sometimes I chuckle at a funny memory, or at myself and the fact that I just stumbled and probably looked like a total idiot. My legs, namely my knees, occasionally complain. My feet usually moan a little too. But I keep going. I decided I was going to it and damn it, that's what is going to happen.

I have help. My ipod is my friend. I downloaded an app called "podrunner." I absolutely love it. I am freakishly excited right now because I figured out how to get a TON more mixes downloaded. They range in beats per minute from a walking pace up to 180 beats per minute (that's like "Kenyan Olympic runner" fast, just so ya know.) I generally prefer the ones that are 130-145 beats per minute. Yep, I'm slow. Here's the website in case you're interested: http://www.djsteveboy.com/podrunner.html  It's a lot of house, deep house, trance and techno kind of mixes but for me, that's perfect. I can kind of zone out and just get into a rhythm.

So yes, I am one of those freaky people gets super intense runners high. I LOVE how it makes me feel. Seriously. I love it. And I am so very grateful to have a laptop and an ipod to make having good music to run to possible.

Remembering Life a Year Ago

This week I have been crazy busy. I have not done as well as I like to with eating and exercising, but I also have not totally failed either. In the evening I have been doing clinical hours at a center for people who need help rehabilitating after an accident, surgery, injury, all of the above... It's been interesting, seeing what not wearing a seat belt, being hit by a drunk driver, not taking care of ones health and having a limb amputated due to complications from type II diabetes and so many other things, will do to a person. Those who take care of themselves recover from injuries MUCH faster, and seemed to be more social and happier. One 97 year old woman who was hit by a distracted teen driver was able to bounce back from a broken neck. A BROKEN NECK. AT 97 YEARS OF AGE!!! I asked her what her secret was. She said, "Stay active. Don't get fat. Have friends." She said a few more things with more choice words, but I won't post those here. 

It's been interesting this week to remember that, a year ago, I was working 65-80 hours a week. I was stressed out about a loved one beyond a level of stress I thought was even a possible. I was eating whatever was fast, easy and available. Lots and lots and lots of sugar. I hiked once a week. But that was it. I was totally in survival mode. I was exhausted all the time. I looked horrible. I felt horrible. It was bad. I am not saying I'm 100% better. Not at all. I still struggle and I have a long ways to go. BUT...I am listening to Louis,  the 97 year old who has bounced back from a broken neck, and all the other smart, healthy people I have met, read about, watched on movies etc etc... I am staying active. I'm getting less fat. And I am working on keeping my friends as well :) 

The week has been a very good reminder of a few things. I have come a long ways. I have a long ways to go. Things are dramatically different than they were a year ago. I am proud of myself for so many reasons. I believe I can do all I aspire to do. I have not always believed that to be true. But for whatever reason, I now do. 

Plus...I just tried on a dress at REI, a dress that, at the end of the summer last year, when I weighed EXACTLY what I do now, looked pretty horrible on me, and today, it looked darn cute. Progress. YAY! Muscle is so awesome. So is health.

That's the dress I tried on. Here's the link to the site of the company that makes it. It's a great fit, really simple and flattering.
http://www.hornytoad.com/womens/dresses-skirts/rosemarie-dress/h1172123/

One of THOSE Women... (Inspired by my sister Emily)

You know the ones. You see them around. Sometimes strutting proudly and other times just being normal, as if they are the average ones.

They are the ones in workout or outdoor clothing, flushed face, messy hair, bright eyes, sometimes sweaty still, or a little bit dirty. The ones who unabashedly waltz through the grocery store (or in my sister's case show up at your kids birthday party) unapologetic for their clear "I just worked out and it was awesome" appearance. The ones whose arm muscles flex when they grab the gallon of milk and calves are cut when they stand on tippy toes to grab something off a high shelf.

They make no effort to hide the fact that they are fit. They own more work out clothes than "normal" clothing. They know they don't  need much make-up, and frankly they don't have time to put it on anyway. They go to the gym to actually exercise, and not to flirt, and if you try to flirt with them,  trust me, you are not going to get anywhere. They hit the trails ready to challenge themselves, not to pick up a dinner date.

These women have different priorities. They would rather take time to attend to their health than to how their hair and nails look. They are learning, or have learned, how to manage themselves first, and then let those skills spread to other areas.

Admit it. When you see one of THOSE people, despite your initial thought of "Don't you shower after you work out?" you secretly, on some level, want to know how she does it. You wonder how it would be to have that confidence, that strength, that skin that looks ten years younger than it really is.

Once you decide that you are worth it, once your priorities shift and stay shifted long enough to realize that fitness is not a goal but a way of being, then you'll know. And then...you'll be one of THOSE people too.

(Side story: Last summer a whole bunch of my family was in town. There was a group of us that hiked up to a cave. My sister Emily was there with her two boys. Behind us on the trail were two women, one about our age, and one a little older. My sister ended up carrying one of her boys part of the way. One of the women behind us commented, "If my calves looked like that, I could carry a kid too!" But she wasn't especially kind in the way she said it. She was almost sneering. I didn't get it. My sister works INCREDIBLY hard to be fit and healthy. If this other woman worked as hard as her, she WOULD have calves that defined and strong. The attitude that fit people are somehow different, or something to be looked down on or not liked or trusted is weird to me, but I see it and hear it ever where. This society is set up to be wary of the fit and healthy. Like, they must be doing something extreme, or working with a plastic surgeon or blah blah blah to be THAT fit. Generally, I find that to NOT be true. Generally, it seems to me that people who lead a healthy life style don't need to do anything extreme. They just have different priorities.)

Watched "Hungry for Change"

So...I watched the movie "Hungry for Change" and was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't some extreme, preachy kind of a film. It was pretty basic actually, but presented the basics in a way that made them seem important, do-able, and explained, in a clear and simple way, why the basics are important.

When I saw the description I was a little wary. Detox? Cleanse? Seriously? But I watched anyway. The advice given to help your body do what it does naturally (cleanse and detox) was this: eat lots of good, healthy, dark green stuff and think about adding fresh parsley, cilantro and some other healthy stuff to your diet. It wasn't some weird, over the top new-age crap that would do more harm than good. It was basic.

The part I liked the most, and needed to hear, was closer to the end. It was not nutritionally related. It was about mental and spiritual health. I needed to hear it and it was, for me, very beneficial.

If you want to watch it go to: http://www.hungryforchange.tv/
Hope you do watch it. And hope you enjoy it.

Small topic shift:
Today I did what I thought I could NEVER do. I tried the concept of "intuitive eating." Listening to what my body was really saying it needed, and going from there. And what did that end up looking like? Beef, and quite a bit of it, also a lot of fresh veggies, about a cup of fresh berries and almonds. I didn't keep very close track of calories. I know that for the past few days I have not eaten enough for how much I have been exercising. I have done ok, but I seriously worked myself hard every day since Wednesday, and have been short on calories every day since Wednesday as well. That takes a toll and I can feel it physically, mentally and emotionally. So I ate. Quite a bit. Slowly. Until I could tell I had had enough. Now it's time to drink. A lot. Slowly. Today I have needed to refuel, and I have.

My Job

Taking a brief detour from the topic of healthy living (although mental health is, in my opinion JUST as important as physical) to talk about work today.

Usually I do a REALLY good job at keeping my personal life, experiences and emotions surrounding those experiences tied up and protected very well. Usually I can separate myself quite well when I am at work. Usually, I can say, "I have dealt with my stuff well enough to not let this job hit me where it hurts the most."

Usually.

And then there are days like today.

And it ALL comes up to the surface, and I get nervous, and can't sit still, and chew on my water bottle in an effort to distract myself from all the emotions that are threatening to bubble to the surface. Because the pain in the room isn't about me. It's not my moment to deal or talk. It's my turn to listen and the listening is fire in my ears that works it's way quickly and unexpectedly through me. And all of a sudden, all of that blackness I thought I had cleaned up is back, re-burned. Just like that. In a matter of moments.

Sometimes I look at my life and am embarrassed by all that I have not done. And then I have a day like today at work, and I remember all that I have accomplished. I have found ways to cope. Even though those ways of dealing have not always been healthy, I have learned from them and continue to push myself to grow and deal with the hard, hurtful things. I may not have a college degree (yet), and may not be raising a gaggle of beautiful children. But I have survived, I have pushed myself past and through things that would make other people crumble, and for me, that is enough. Days like today at work are hard and frankly they suck rocks, but I think they also serve to remind me how far I have come.

And to the girl who shared her story today (who shall remain nameless)...someday I hope that you too will look at your life and be proud of how hard you have worked and how far you have come.

As for me...I'm going hiking. It's like burn balm for the soul.

Week in Review

I went back and looked over what I ate and how much exercise I did this past week.
Glad I have been keeping track.
Because upon review it is CLEAR where I have been slipping, and it is OBVIOUS where I need to adjust my focus.
Thank goodness for my ability to be consistent in keeping track of eating and exercise. Nothing like a little bit of reality to help me wake up.
Yay for awareness!

1,023 calories left...

...for the day and it's almost time for bed. How did this happen? A one hour run that burned through 625 calories that started at 7:00 pm, that's how. Three months ago, I seriously NEVER thought that I would be sitting on my couch, post run and post stretch wondering how in the name of all that's holy am I going to eat that many calories in about an hour and a half. At least not in a healthy way.

Part of the issue is that I need to go shopping, low on options. Another problem is that I forgot to take any chicken or fish out of the freezer (double whammy on the poor planning.) *tsk tsk* I know better. I have been so busy with taking this class that when I am finally not working, not learning how to care for the bedridden, post-op patient, and not working out, I just want to curl up and sleep. So...here it is, 8:30 at night and I am making a run to the grocery store.

What else is going on with me lately? I have not been eating as well as I need to be, and have even slid a little on the exercising. this is reflected in my body fat and muscle mass %, which has not budged in two weeks. I can't complain. It's no mystery as to why that has happened. The good side of all of this is that it is showing me what life will be like when I start nursing school, and is serving as a reminder as to why it's important to stick to it even when life gets hectic. Organization and time management both need to get better NOW or I will fail miserably at being a fit person when "real school" starts. Good thing I have a little while to prep.

As for now, I am off to get something for dinner. 1,023 calories is a lot. time to start noshing on some seriously healthy, calorie laden food.

The Basics:

What kind of eater are you? Are you a meat-a-holic or do you never touch the stuff? Do you balance your plate between carbs, veggies and protein?

Do you listen to what your body needs? I WISH I could eat that way. I am pretty good at separating what I need and want in life, mostly I have wants at this point because my needs are, for the most part, met. But when it comes to food, I CAN NOT tell what my body is saying it needs vs wants. It says it needs/wants sugar. Often. Especially if I had some the day before. Particularly, this body wants sugar in the form of brownies. It says it needs/wants a cheese burger, fries and root beer from Apollo Burger about once a week. It says it needs/wants a veggie, thin crust pizza from Papa Murphy's about once a week as well. I can't tell what my body is saying when hunger cues kick in. We are still getting acquainted, my body and I.

I have been doing a great deal of reading and watching movies about food, nutrition and healthy living lately. It started about a year ago when a loved one was diagnosed with cancer and he wanted to know if changes in his eating could help his chances of survival. He was focused on what was going to happen treatment wise, making sure everything was lined up in life if things didn't go well, and so many other things, so he asked me to look into it, and I did. And the answer was glaringly obvious. YES! If you are fighting cancer, or have had cancer, or have a family history of cancer, eating certain foods and limiting certain foods will make a huge difference in your life. The problem is, when one is on chemo or has a mouth and esophagus full of sores from radiation and chemo, one is in survival mode and it's time to eat whatever you can manage. My friend, however, is a freaking hard-core rock star and often pushed himself to eat even though it hurt so badly he could hardly handle it. And he did an amazing job at beating cancer :-)

But I digress...

I have been doing a great deal of reading AND...there is a lot of crap out there, and a lot of good stuff. After sorting through all that's out there here's what I have gleaned so far (and some of this some people will NOT agree with, and other totally will, I am just saying that after all I have read, this is what seems to be a middle ground):

*Eat lots of veggies. A whole bunch in a wide variety of colors. They are awesome. The fresher and the more un-cooked the better, but cooked is better than none at all. If you can get something from every color of the rainbow, you will be a veggie eating rock star.

*Eat fruit. Not as much as veggies, but still...eat fruit every day. Raw and fresh, like veggies, is better than the alternative. Also good to eat a wide variety of colors.

*Eat whole grains. Figure out what is a good amount for you. There are MANY who will read this and gasp. NO! Not whole grains! Yes. They are ok to eat. Some people do better with them than others. I can eat about 1-2 servings a day and I am ok. More than that and I get sugar cravings bad, less and I start to get lethargic. Obviously, if you have gluten issues, adjust. And if you swear that they are the devil and you feel good without them, then stick with it. My point in saying "eat whole grains"' is to say," don't eat refined, bleached, overly processed grains." If you are going to eat grains, make sure they are whole. Basically: Brown = good. White = bad.

*Eat healthy fats, like nuts and seeds. A little goes a long ways, so don't over do it. But including them in your diet is smart for your heart and brain.

*If you are vegan or vegetarian, find a way to get protein and B12 into your diet. Your body needs both of them so, be smart and aware to make sure you are getting enough.

*Sugar, high fructose corn syrup, and artificial sweeteners can do damage to lots of your insides. Limit or avoid them. If you are eating processed foods on a regular basis, you are eating sugar and you don't even know it. It's sneaky stuff and is everywhere. Seriously. Pay attention.

*Salt is necessary, but seriously...if you live in the U.S.A and eat processed food of any kind, you get enough. Stop adding it to your meals. MODERATION.

*Meat is not going to kill you. Like all things (with the exception of veggies), eat a moderate amount. Listen to what your doctor says when it comes to meat. If he or she says, "You need to eat less meat," then eat less. I have had doctors tell me, "Please eat more chicken and fish." So now I do.

*The same goes for dairy and eggs. Eat some. It will not kill you. Like meat, dairy is to be consumed in moderation. I do well with milk and cheese. Ice cream makes me sick. I have to be careful with them due to high cholesterol, but others can eat them no problem. Even with a "no problem" approach, dairy and eggs can cause problems that can sneak up on you, so...moderation.

*Eat real food. What I mean by that is, if it is highly processed, it basically is no longer food. It's edible, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily "food." If you look at the ingredients list and you can picture in your head what each ingredient is, it's generally ok. (This is NOT a reason to eat a crap ton of Bryer's, five ingredient ice cream. See above note re sugar.) If you have absolutely no clue what some of the ingredients are why the HELL would you want to eat it?!?!?! Eat REAL food, not fake stuff. Trust me...you will notice a HUGE difference.

*PAY ATTENTION TO HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU EAT CERTAIN THINGS!!!! I have a friend who can not eat wheat or she gets really bad brain fog. I do ok with limited amounts. I feel like absolute crap if I eat red meat, but I have other friends who don't do well at all if they stop eating it. I can only eat about 10 baby carrots in one sitting. If I eat more, I will get sick. Fast. Soy is also a no go for me, but I have good friends who live off the stuff.

*Get your blood work done on a yearly basis. It will tell you a LOT of things about you (the most important person in your life btw...in case you forgot.) Mine last year revealed the following: vitamin D was scary low, good cholesterol was low, bad cholesterol was high, blood pressure was high, blood sugar was high, blood calcium levels were good but didn't do me a lick of good because of the vitamin D issue.

People. The majority of us know damn well if we are relatively healthy or not. Stop lying to yourself. Stop thinking you are a victim and have no control of your health. If you don't control it, who does? It is, for the most part, up to you and absolutely NO ONE ELSE. Is it possible for certain diseases sneak up on us? Absolutely (see paragraph about friend who kicked cancer's ass....total shock when he learned he was sick.) But overall, the rest of us are just ignoring the signs. When it comes to your health, ignorance is anything but bliss. Ignorance will kill you much faster than being educated will.

Oh and, the last thing I have learned since I started reading and wading through research is...

*Go for a walk, or a run, or a bike ride, or do some yoga, or play in the pool with your kids, or pull on skates and enjoy yourself. Basically, move more, and if you can get your heart rate up, even better. But ya gotta do it.

Healthy living is not as complicated as it sounds. Be smart. Be educated. Be aware. Be more active. You will be happier. Promise.

Forks Over Knives

Watching a documentary called "Forks Over Knives." It's about eating a plant based, whole foods diet vs one that contains a meat and animal products (dairy and eggs.) It's really interesting! And makes sense. I am not going to turn into a vegetarian, but it is a GREAT reminder for me as to how I KNOW I need to eat. So many people believe that a healthy diet HAS to include animal products in order to be able to get all the vital amino acids and proteins needed by the human body. That simply is not true. Meat is tasty. It is filling. And eating it in large quantities (and "large" is pretty easy to do) it is a great way to kill yourself in some pretty slow, horrible ways. As it turns out, most animal food products are a great way to commit a long, slow suicide.

I am not one to tell people how to eat. I am one to encourage people to learn and discover truth on their own. There are studies out there that will tell you whatever it is you want to hear, so maybe I am simply focusing on what will encourage me to eat in a way that works for me. I am sure that if I go out and look for studies that tell me to switch to an Atkins type diet, and that it will solve what ales me, I will find PLENTY of those studies as well. But when I use my common sense, and when I look at the simple facts, it is as plain as it can be. Eat plants = long life. Eat meat = health problems and short life. Again, I am not going to give up eating meat (right now I have a love affair with salmon and chicken), but I will continue to eat a diet that is non-processed, where the majority of my calories come from plants, and where meat and dairy is limited.

Do the research. It is amazing what you will start to learn.

Hungry For Change - Part 1

I am going to watch it. I have no idea what it will say, or encourage people to do
with their bodies and health. All I know is, gathering info, learning, hearing a new
perspective can't hurt. In the description it says the film explains detoxing, of which
I am not a fan (your body is designed to detox on it's own) but other than that, I
am hoping it will offer sound advice and insight. It's made by the folks who did
"Food Matters," a film I really enjoyed despite some of it's over-the-top claims.
Anyway, if you sign up to watch, I hope you'll let me know what you think.

What Motivates Me

After a week of being sick, and feeling weak, and frankly nervous about exercising again, I was starting to lose my motivation. I have worked out this week, but my heart wasn't in it (well, technically, it was, but metaphorically...not at all.) So, along with talking myself into working out this week, I have also been working on remembering what motivated me in the first place. Here's a few of the things that keep me going: 

*Pinterest. I don't spend a ton of time at that site, but when I do I spend the majority of my time in the fitness section. I can almost ALWAYS find a poster or web page that will keep me going. I pulled up my own little board of fitness motivation and saw the thing I re pinned that said, "You're one workout away from a good mood." It was exactly what I needed today. I have been a grump all week and for no good reason. I went running tonight and it helped clear my head. I accomplished my goal. I did really well. It gave me time to zone out and let the thoughts sift and flow as they pleased through my brain.

*Re-reading my goals. Seems so basic and obvious, but when I read them, I can feel the same excited feeling I had when I set them, and I get jazzed all over again! It reminds me where I am headed and what I want.

*Listening to others talk about their health, or lack thereof. Ok that last part sounded a little bit rude. What I mean is this: when I hear others talk about their health issues that have resulted from a lack of a healthy life-style, I am reminded of why I do not want that. Listening to healthy people talk about all the fun stuff they do...not THAT I want!!!

*Look online for ways to workout without a gym membership. Poking around and seeing what there is to do, and watching fit people do these things, keeps me wanting more, and helps me believe it's possible.

*Accepting compliments, and sometimes even giving them to myself. People are starting to notice, more and more, that I am a more compact version of myself than I was at the start of the year. Sometimes they ask me what I'm doing and it's fun to tell them. It's also fun to say, "Thank you!" when they compliment me. Why? Because I know I have worked hard and the compliment is well-earned. Overall I am pretty pleased with the way I am put together, but I have not taken good care of myself. I like to tell myself positive little messages when I do well with eating choices or working out. I also gave myself a mental high-five the other day when I was able to fit into pants I had not worn in over a year. SA-WEET!!! that was the same morning I reached my first big goals of the year. A weight loss milestone, and a nice, hefty shift in body fat and muscle mass %. All on the same day! Most excellent :)

I realize this isn't a very long list, and I that once I stabilize at a good, healthy weight, the compliments will stop, but for now, this is what is working, so I am going to keep at it!

"I Am Not a Pretty Girl..." -Ani DiFranco

It's the main line of a song. "I am not a pretty girl, that's not what I do..." It applies to me. I'm not a pretty girl. I don't paint my nails. I don't get me hair done. I wear make up, but not so much that when people look at me that's what they see. I don't own a pair of pantie hose, nor to I plan to anytime soon. But those things don't make a girl a "pretty girl." There are some people who, no matter what, are undeniably pretty. I am not one of those people. I am not a pretty girl.

My mother told me recently that she does not agree. She told me I am pretty, and that it doesn't matter what I do. I am still pretty. She has to say this. She is my mother.

What does all of this have to do with being healthy and fit?

A lot. For me anyway.

I am afraid, that if I get fit and thin, that I will be an attractive person. The last time in my life that I was thin, it lead to negative attention, and very negative experiences.  I am afraid I will be seen and noticed. I don't like it, when people look at me, or notice me. I become very uncomfortable and want to hide. Being overweight, for me anyway, has been a kind of shield. Being thin let's that guard down. People look (and by people I mean ones of the opposite gender) at me when I'm thin. They talk to me. They smile and hold eye contact for a little too long in a way that is disconcerting to me. It's unsettling. I don't want to be seen. I don't want the attention. I don't want to be a pretty girl. I want to be a respected human being.

Today I looked in the mirror and I saw hints and outlines of that person looking back. The one that gets talked to and seen, and that's scary to me. The shield is being lowered. I want to crawl back into the safe shell of fatness and hide. I am not a pretty girl. That is not what I do. The world is not a safe place for pretty girls.

I need to find a way to be fit, thin, and comfortable, to feel secure and not threatened. To me, being thin, no matter how fit I am, is equal to being a target. Fat = safe. Thin = danger. I need to reverse those two thoughts in my head. Or simply not have that connection at all. I need to find a way to make is so that being fit, and thin, will also equal being safe, secure, in charge of what happens in my life, and to me. Right now, it doesn't. I know myself well enough to know that if I don't change this perception of reality very soon, I WILL revert to old habits. I WILL allow myself to be quite overweight, to be unhealthy, and to just...settle for that.

And so...the battle for a fit, healthy me continues. Only now, it's getting real, it's getting down and dirty. This is when the REAL work begins, for me anyway. Safe and fat, or thin and vulnerable.

How to be thin, fit, comfortable and confident with it, and safe in this world that is hostile to women who dare to be healthy and strong is now my next challenge.

Don't get me wrong, I have a ways to go before my I reach my goals, but I can feel the battle in my head starting, and the time to prepare is now.

Remember How Far You Have Come

Yesterday morning I had a mild panic attack. I was getting in the shower and noticed things are not as "in place" as they were a week ago. Not as tight. Legs, and other areas, are a little saggy, sort of like how they use to be. I freaked out. What if all my hard work is gone? What if I have to start all over? What if I am DOOMED to a life of being over-weight, unhealthy, not fit? NOOOOOO!!!!

Better work out later no matter how I feel...

Life had other plans. Half way through work, the nausea kicked in again. Then the super-duper tired. There would be no exercising. There would only be more rest, saltine crackers, and rice. So lame. More panicking. 

Then I came home are reviewed this blog. There is no way that missing a week of workouts due to illness is going to set me back two months of hard work. I looked at pictures of me before and then looked at me now. I thought about how clothes fit before, and the fact that I couldn't put anything in the dryer for fear they'd shrink and not fit, and how just this morning I pulled pants from the dryer and put them on no problem or worries. I thought about what I ate before, and how eat now (when I'm not sick anyway.) I thought about energy levels, sleep, stress management and overall happiness.

I realize that getting sick is a part of life. That from now til I am no longer alive, I will experience bouts of colds, nasty stomach bugs, and any other kinds of illnesses life may have in store for me, and that even the most fit people on the planet get sick, but they get right back up and stick with it. Getting sick does not equal failure or an excuse to go back to bad habits in eating and working out. It's more like a reminder of how important it is to be as healthy as possible in all we do. So, adding to eating better and being fit is: frequent hand washing, ESPECIALLY at work, and when needed, wear  a medical face mask.

Ok Enough Already

So here I am at Day 4 of a particularly nasty stomach virus. What I CAN eat goes against all that I believe to be good for me. My diet lately has consisted of: saltine crackers, toasted white bread, sugar free applesauce, ginger ale & other carbonated beverages, a little bit of Gatorade type drinks, lightly salted pita chips, and rice. This is what I have been able to eat without getting sick (aka throwing up) since Saturday.  And that's about it. I am sitting here, at 12:27 p.m. unable to sleep, VERY hungry, and totally out of all of the above. It's a mild snow storm outside so I am not feeling particularly inclined to make a quick jaunt to the grocery store that's open 24/7. Especially since, earlier today I almost barfed in the soda aisle at Whole Foods (I just realized how ironic that is...soda pop at Whole Foods...anyway...) I have not worked out since Thursday of last week (see previous post on why I took Friday off), and I am feeling overall yucky and cranky. I WAS asleep...then I needed the throw up again because I thought a little bit of a toast from whole wheat bread right before bed would be ok. Nope. I was wrong. 

Why am I writing about this? Because this blog is about my experience with food and exercise and this is a particularly challenging event to have occur. Saltine crackers are NOT calorie free, nor are they nutritionally dense. And protein? Fuhgetahbahtit.

Tonight in my CNA class we were practicing taking each other pulse, blood pressure and temp. My pulse was describes as "weak and faint" by the teacher. She was holding my forearm and made the other people in the class come and hold it because I was experiencing "tremors."  Yup. I feel that weak & shaky.This can be a result from lots of things but if noticed in a patient, you need to be able to recognize it and report it to the nurse. So I got to sit and have my arm held so everyone could feel it. 

I warned them. I told them all. If they are all sick as dogs in a couple of days it is NOT my fault. They all grabbed my arm anyway. 

Yup.

It's like that.

Maybe tomorrow I will be able to eat like a normal person again.

Another Food Movie

It's a touchy subject, genetically modified food. I am looking for films to watch with an alternative perspective, but haven't found any yet. I would like to have my own garden someday. I'd like to have the space and time to really make it worth my while. When that happens, so far I am leaning towards trying to use non-genetically modified seeds. I know that most have been altered simply through cross pollination (a friend of mine planed his green peppers way to close to his chili's and had the hottest green peppers he'd ever grown) but if possible I want to avoid ones that have been altered like the ones in this film. If you have a chance to watch it, let me know what you think.

http://movies.netflix.com/WiPlayer?movieid=70149650&trkid=4417194&t=Deconstructing+Supper

What Working in Treatment Can Do To You

This:
http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dvrd/revb/gastro/norovirus.htm

That is all for tonight.

Scale Goes Up, Size Goes Down

Recently I hit the "I lost 15 lbs" mark and was thrilled! Then really fast after that, another 2 lbs. Yesterday and this morning I was noticing I looked a bit more compact than I had in a while, which pleased me, so I did something I usually don't do and hopped on the scale mid-week.

UP 2 LBS?!?!? WHAT?! But I look quite a bit better! Everything is more pulled together, in place and muscle...oh wait...muscle is more dense than fat...

I have really been working hard this week. I have added QUITE a bit of protein to my diet. I have probably built a bit more muscle. My scale also tells me body fat and muscle mass % so I checked that too. Exactly the same, which is good.

So, my weight is up, but it's muscle, and this is a good thing.

QUICK STORY: I work with girls who are anorexic, some to a scary degree (not that there's a not scary degree...) One of them was telling me the other day that muscle weighs more than fat. I asked her if you have a lb of muscle and a lb of fat, which weighs more? She gave me the teenage girl, "You are SUCH an idiot" face and said, "The muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat." So I repeated the question. She was quite perturbed. CLEARLY I am a moron and do not understand that a lb of muscle weighs more than a lb of...oh wait... I had to explain to her that a lb of anything is a lb, whether it be feathers, rocks, muscle or fat. A lb is a lb is a lb. Muscle just looks better and takes up less room. That part of what I was saying she liked quite a bit. Then I added, "But you have to eat healthy to get it." THAT part she did not like at all.

I would GLADLY take a lb of muscle over a lb of fat. But my eating issues are on the opposite end of the spectrum of the girl at work.

As for my weight: not the focus. Getting strong, healthy and becoming more fit is. Numbers on scale be damned!

Wise Advice...

I hear new-agey, yoga folks always say thing like, "Listen to your body. Pay attention to what it's telling you that you need." I tried that for a while and what my body said it needed was brownies, pizza and lots and lots of cheese as well as a daily dose or two of Starbucks, and to sit on my butt and do lots of reading but not a lot of moving. My body LIED.

Today though...I think I am finally understanding the "listen to your body" message.

I was going to go to the gym today with my friend Ellie (who seriously, is built and looks like a super model and going to the gym with her would be intimidating if she wasn't such an incredibly kind, goofy person.) Half way through my day at work I could feel that I was worn down and probably should not go, that a break was needed. I sent her a text apologizing for being a flake, and she said not to worry because she had totally forgotten and was deep cleaning her house. (We are both kind of flaky, it works for us.)

As the day wore on, and the calories started to add up quickly, I realized if I was going to eat all I wanted to, I needed to work out anyway. Off to the little gym at my apartment I went. 20 min on the bike. 20 on the treadmill, 20 on the eleptical.

Waddled back to apartment, up the stairs, walked in door, inspected knees...oh dear.

Swollen. Quite a bit. Right worse than the left by a ways. Is THAT what that stabbing pain in my knee was? Huh.... Probably should have paid attention to that...

This isn't the first time this has happened. Last summer I did a really hard hike, almost made it to 10,000 ft. It was REALLY steep. The thing about being on a mountain is, you sort of can't just stop the workout. You have to get back down or people start to worry and search and rescue calls are pretty damn expensive. Plus, pride is kind of an issue there for me as well. Totally bit off more than I could chew that day but that's another story. So, despite being sore, bruised and scratched up, I made it safely home (somehow.) For about two weeks after, my right knee was huge and stiff. Eventually it got better.

Anyway... Here I sit, wrapped, iced, full of motrin and glucosamine and other natural anti-inflamitories and I am taking mental stock of what hurts and why. Left rotator cuff, the one that JUST started feeling better around Christmas that I seriously damaged a few years ago (like, 17 yrs ago to be specific) snowboarding: hurting in a bad way again. Feet: charlie horses for the fourth time this week. Knees: see above description. Back: miraculously totally ok. Legs: sore and begging for a break.

I get it. Listen to your body. When it says, "Rest," do so. It's ok to take more than one day a week off. In the long run, it will be worth it, and that's what my life is about these days. What's going to be best in the long run?

(My spell check is not working tonight so I apologize for all the errors. I rely heavily on that little tool.)