Don't Call Me Pumpkin...

(WARNING: Spell check it not working. My apologies in advance.)

I started a new job recently. I was warned fairly early on that there was one staff member in particular who would, no doubt, hit on me eventually. Lovely. Stuff like this always makes me feel and act in a way that is really pathetic and I generally end up looking like an idiot.

What does this have to do with weight loss?

Lemme 'splain...

Becoming fit, losing weight, the whole thing, is NOT just a physical experience. It is also mental and emotional. It is a struggle some days, and a battle others. It can often push one to confront old, deep emotional crap that has sat dormant for years. It can shed light on issues one thought one had totally under control.

One issue it brings up for me is that a thin, and particularly fit, version of me is also a more attractive version of me (and I believe this is true for most people.) More attractive seems to lead to more attention, particularly from the opposite gender. In the past I have, for whatever reason, worn a target only visible to not too kind people. It has been painted on my back and forehead and it must have said, very clearly to some, right in the bulls eye, "No seriously, please, use me." Despite my best efforts, I just couldn't shake it til a little while ago.

It seemed to me that being fat painted over that bulls eye. Or maybe just hid it a little better under the layers and rolls.

Ok...back to the coworker...

Yesterday I was filling out a paper that stated who would be working where and with whom. Said coworker was waiting to see where he would be and was doing that awkward (for me anyway) small talk thing (awkward because I am pretty bad at small talk.) And then, out of nowhere...he called me "pumpkin." Without even skipping a beat, I said, "You'll be in Boys side ISU (intensive support unit) and don't call me pumpkin." I said it assertively , in a no-nonsense, strictly busness, kind of a way. Please note that this guy has has guns (meaning biceps) the size of a small country and is generally speaking, physically intimidating. Didn't stop me from setting a clear boundary. He apologized and said it just slipped out because my name starts with a "P." I just looked at him, again with a no-nonsence kind of an expression and said, "Kind of a lame excuse. It's unprofessional and unacceptable. Call your coworkers, male and female, by their names." He mumbled "...k..." and stared at the ground.

Target: fading even more that it has the past couple of years.
Excellent.
And this interaction with this coworker, for whatever reason, felt like a blew a big ol' chunk outta the center of that damn bulls eye.

I refuse to continue to be unfit and unhealthy.
I refuse to be a doormat, to be treated poorly, and to be used.
I refuse to let the fear of that happening stop me from accomplishing goals and leading the lifestyle I have always wanted.

Becoming fit is a process, and it's not just physical. It's mental, emotional and spiritual as well (if you believe in that anyway, which I do.) I am discovering that as I become more invested in one area of my health, the rest have to fall in line in order to be successful. This process is hard work. It is pushing me to grow in ways I did not for see. And I am grateful for that.

And seriously...don't call me pumpkin.