Day 25 (the day I tried Zumba)

I really wanted to like it. I tried it at the Murray Rec Center with the girls from work and we had an absolute blast, so I was really excited. I figured I'd save a little on gas and go to the rec center closer to my house.

Here's how it went down...

I arrived a little early in case I got lost (a common occurrence for me) and to talk to the instructor, hoping to go over some of the basics. The instructor was late. No biggie.
There were four other women there when I entered the room. They were stretching and chatting...about the best divorce lawyer around, whom they were all using. Seemed a little odd but hey, word of mouth is powerful and if you need a good lawyer, why not use one that your fellow Zumba-mates tell you is good.

Right?

Then they all went to their bags and pulled out bangle covered scarves and tied them around their hips. Ok...again, seems a little odd but whatever. It was clear they were all good friends and it's nice to see a level of camaraderie (a word I can now spell thanks to helping kids at work study their vocab). They said hi to me and promised I would love it. I really thought I was going to. I was VERY excited.

Then the teacher arrived. She was petite, about 5'2", and had a figure that rivaled Dolly Partons, hair and make-up to match, and pep too. A LOT of pep. (Pep is not my thing. It's just...not. At all.)

During the class I had trouble reading her expressions, because her affect, despite her mouth pulling up in a smile-like way, was flat. Completely and totally flat. Took me a while to realize it was botox. And then, glancing around the room, I realized that me, about three other women, and the one man and the one teenage boy were the only ones in the whole class of about twenty-five who were displaying any kind of facial expression. I really prefer the kind of beauty that is much, much deeper than the muscles on your face, but I was trying so hard not to judge. I pretty much failed. How can I believe that the work out I'm getting is going to render real results if the instructor is quite obviously altered in not-so-real ways? It was a turn off to me to know, although it was clear that she was in good shape, she has also had a great deal of surgical help in lots of places. I all of a sudden very much missed CrossFit and the calloused handed, strong women one meets there. I like the way I am put together, especially when I am very fit. Like I said, major turn off.

The four soon-to-be-divorced women Zumba'd their butts off. Seriously. It was impressive. And intimidating. I get that going through that experience is absolute hell (really, I do) and you need an outlet so if Zumba is their thing, cool.

But for me...I'd rather throw a medicine ball around a warehouse, jump up on wooden boxes, do a BodyPump class, or go for a long trail run then go to that class ever again. Maybe it was the environment. Maybe it was the instructor. I really don't know. I just know it felt like all the bad parts of high-school all over again, where everyone else knows what's going on but me, where everyone else knows how to be the cool kid and the beautiful girl with the perfect nails, hair and make up (how do they keep it on even when they are sweating buckets, I don't get it). Where the freakishly coordinated cheerleader glances my way every so often with a brief "how does she make it down the hallway with such a lack of skills," expression, as hard to read as it was tonight. Somehow, I missed the day as a kid when those abilities were taught. I felt like a total lame-o tonight. I wanted to leave half way through, but I didn't.

I can't wait to go running tomorrow, and to do a gazillion push-up and crunches and anything else I can come up with.

I am not one of those pretty girls. I never have been. I never will be. And I hate that tonight I'm sad about it all over again. But I am strong in other ways, inside and out, and getting stronger every day. And for that, I am grateful, despite my lack of coordination, botox, and perfect finger nails.