My Job

Taking a brief detour from the topic of healthy living (although mental health is, in my opinion JUST as important as physical) to talk about work today.

Usually I do a REALLY good job at keeping my personal life, experiences and emotions surrounding those experiences tied up and protected very well. Usually I can separate myself quite well when I am at work. Usually, I can say, "I have dealt with my stuff well enough to not let this job hit me where it hurts the most."

Usually.

And then there are days like today.

And it ALL comes up to the surface, and I get nervous, and can't sit still, and chew on my water bottle in an effort to distract myself from all the emotions that are threatening to bubble to the surface. Because the pain in the room isn't about me. It's not my moment to deal or talk. It's my turn to listen and the listening is fire in my ears that works it's way quickly and unexpectedly through me. And all of a sudden, all of that blackness I thought I had cleaned up is back, re-burned. Just like that. In a matter of moments.

Sometimes I look at my life and am embarrassed by all that I have not done. And then I have a day like today at work, and I remember all that I have accomplished. I have found ways to cope. Even though those ways of dealing have not always been healthy, I have learned from them and continue to push myself to grow and deal with the hard, hurtful things. I may not have a college degree (yet), and may not be raising a gaggle of beautiful children. But I have survived, I have pushed myself past and through things that would make other people crumble, and for me, that is enough. Days like today at work are hard and frankly they suck rocks, but I think they also serve to remind me how far I have come.

And to the girl who shared her story today (who shall remain nameless)...someday I hope that you too will look at your life and be proud of how hard you have worked and how far you have come.

As for me...I'm going hiking. It's like burn balm for the soul.