"If there's anything you need..."

Lately, I've been hearing the phrase 'If you need anything, let me know,” or some variation thereof. So, dear readers, I am letting you know what I need (and want.) This list is in no particular order. I'm simply writing it down as the thoughts occur....
(Ok so the real reason for this post is at the end, after the obnoxiously long, self-serving list. Feel free to skip to that part.)

• A downy ball. Small. Easy to use. Inexpensive. Why I haven't purchased one I do not know. Alas, I still haven't. I always forget when I'm at Target. So...I still end up double rinsing my laundry just so I can add the fabric softener.
• A really good pair of waterproof hiking boots. I want to do four local peaks this summer. Maybe five. I don't think my tennis shoes are going to cut it this year. This goal is deeply important to me for some very personal reasons. I NEED to do this. It's not a want. And I need some good boots to be able to do it.
• Along those lines, some good hiking socks too.
• A second job. This is a need, not a want.
• My leg and hips to be fixed. I think having a good pair of boots would help, but so would being able to afford (see previous item on this list) physical therapy, surgery, and all the doctor appointments leading up to those activities.
• My back to be fixed too. Same issue as above. It's freaking expensive.
• A new mattress. I don't think it's normal to wake up with with sore joints (ankles are the worst) from the springs in the mattress digging into you all night. Maybe I'm wrong buuut...I don't think so.
• A newer car with four or all wheel drive. I had an accident this past winter that I think wouldn't have happened if I had a car with either of those features. I actually like my car quite a bit. I have a strong sentimental attachment to it. It's a very respectable car. The high miles and cracked bumper have me worried. Will it pass safety and emissions? I don't know. How much longer will it last? No clue. Ever feel like the end is near, a feeling of impending doom? Yeah...me too.
• Bankruptcy. I need to file it. I've needed to for a while. Guess what? It costs about $1400 to do so. Ironic? You could say that. Either way, it needs to happen. Did I mention I need a second job?
• A sofa. This isn't a need, just a want.
• Chairs that are counter height, three or four of them. Also not a need, just a want.
• To be able to afford the gym. I miss it. I miss the muscles I had when I went. I miss having an outlet for irritation, frustration and all those other “negative” feelings. I miss the sense of strength and pride I had when I went regularly.
• A bike. So often I want to hop on my bike and ride to the store for a couple of things I need to get quickly. Too bad I don't own a bike. It was stolen. Lame. It could be a GREAT gas saver.
• Flowers for my deck, either in hanging baskets or a planter that can hang on the railing.
• A blender. I like to make smoothies.
• A “grow your own sprouts” and “grow your own wheat grass” and “grow your own herbs” kit. I like to eat all of the afore mentioned items, put them in smoothies, and stuff like that. Tasty little buggers!
• Sleep. A full nights sleep on a regular basis.
• A room mate. Not only do I want this for financial reasons, but for the whole “lonely” factor as well. It's officially over rated, being alone as much as I am.
• For things to go back to being how they were one month and one week ago, only without the whole unknown cancer thing.
• A way to fly Xander out here more often. He wants to come for his birthday and Easter. I can't afford either. He keeps asking. I feel horrible and hate having to say, “Maybe. We'll see,” when I know damn well what I need to say it, “We can't do that this year. I'm sorry sweet boy.”
• To be able to afford to make Michael a blanket, quickly. He needs it, and frankly I think I need to make it and know that he has it.
• A hug. Lots of them.
• Phone calls. Lots of those too.
• For things to go well for a couple of years. A break. Please.
• Some sort of reassurance that things will be ok again...soon.... They will, right?
• The means to hang up the Moroccan shelf and hang my pictures up on the wall. (Hammer, nails, drill, screw driver, and the drywall hangy kit thingy.)
• A clock for my vanity area.
• A vacation. A real one. The kind where you feel like your life has been altered for the better because of it. I'd settle for a camping trip in southern Utah for now though.
• A couple of good books to provide a healthy distraction.
• Size eight double pointed needles (needed to finish chemo hat for Michael.) Actually, what I REALLY want is a kit made by a company called “addi.” You can change the length of the needles and the circular connector (this will mean NOTHING to you unless you knit) and it's SOOO cool! In the same category, I want to take knitting classes to learn to do socks (the ones I've done have been royal disasters), cables and fair ilse patterns. But right now, I need the double pointed size eights...
• A way to pay for nursing school, and to not have to work while going. Yes, I realize how much money that is.
• All the prayers, from as many religions as possible, from as many people as possible, for Michael. I kinda dig him, and I kinda think the world is a better place because he's in it. I know I'm a better person because of him. So...I kinda want him to be around for a whole lot longer.

And that, friends and family, is what is needed and wanted right now in my life.

Telling someone, “If you need anything let me know,” is a sweet thing to say, but do you really mean it? I mean for real? What if that person said, “I need you to come over and help with laundry and cleaning. I've fallen way behind and am totally overwhelmed.” What would you do? What if they said, “I just need you to come over and sit in my bedroom til I fall asleep.” Or, “I keep forgetting to eat. Can you help me remember?” Instead, I think we all expect that trite response. “Ok thanks....” knowing full well they won't actually tell us. Maybe, instead, be proactive. Ask when you can come over to help cook and/or clean. Ask when they would like to go for a walk, and then lend a listening ear. Ask what day works best for them for you to take their kids to the park for a couple of hours. Randomly bring by flowers and let them know they aren't alone. I'm not a hugger, but goodness knows I need them lately. Do I really expect anyone to get me a car, a mattress, an expensive pair of hiking boots? No silly. I don't. This is more to help people realize what they're saying when they speak.

“If there's anything you need....”

It's not a question of “if,” but of “how soon,” and “what will be needed.”